The Exams of Life

“Beware the Ides of March”, a phrase from William Shakespeare’s Julius Caeser, which I had first come across during my school days, I believed in those days, served as a warning not just to Caeser, but to all of us students,  for what lay ahead of us in March, year after year at school – Exams! But little did I know back then that the “Ides of March” would continue to haunt many of us every year, even after school, disguised as “Financial Year End”, a term much dreaded by Corporate professionals, who most of us had become!

I always thought that March was a month which only students feared, courtesy their annual exams or board exams. But, after having spent eight years in Corporate, I feel that there is a section that dreads the month of March even more than the student community does – the employees in Corporate. If you happen to be in Corporate and your children are giving their annual exams or board exams in March, then the fear is double, no night is complete without one nightmare at least, that is if you are able to get some sleep, but most of us don’t get any during year end!   

Twelve years of school and six years of college would mean hundreds of tests and exams given, but still nothing compares to the litmus test that is Financial Year Ends in Corporate. It has been eight years and it still remains a mystery to me, it is a new experience every year, and no matter how prepared I am, it just seems to get the better of me! This year too was no different. The Ides of March hadn’t spared Julius Caeser even, then what chance did common people like us have!  

After having said Adios, Cheerio’s, Good bye to the previous financial year - FY 2019, a year that took a toll on my professional and personal life (not that previous financial years didn’t, but this one was by far the most taxing of them all) I thought I will finally be able to let out a sigh of relief on the first of this month. But then life doesn’t give us Corporate professionals a chance to sit back and relax, on any day of the year, I guess. It was business as usual even on the first of this month, the only difference was that the Financial Year we were referring to had changed, all else was same, the flurry of emails, the never-ending calls, thankless bosses, unrealistic targets, it was like being back to square one! 

It has been a fortnight since the last financial year came to an end, but the happenings from the last couple of weeks leading to the year end, perhaps the toughest couple of weeks of my professional life, just seems to stay etched in my mind. I thought to myself, I had completed yet another year in Corporate, had faced yet another year ending that took my breath away (literally, it had most of us in office gasping for breath by the end of it!), but here I was, still alive, still breathing, heart beating, at home, surrounded by the people who meant the world to me – my family. The world as I knew it had not come to an end as I had imagined it would  (and as people around me had convinced me into believing) once the financial year came to an end because our targets were not achieved. But, I had multiple reasons to be worried after it did, there were targets that were not achieved, there were parameters in my performance appraisal that were favourite’s for a ‘Golden Duck’, but what worried me more than any of it was that there were many mistakes that I made last year, which if I had an opportunity to go back in time, I would have corrected, there were things that I had done last year which my conscience would never have allowed, but had to be done, because it was the need of the hour, need of the team that I was a part of, and because I lacked the strength to put my foot down and say no, things that I am not proud of as a human being, but which were required of me as a professional, but the bottom line is - I survived, yet another Financial Year Ending, yet another year in the extremely tough and competitive world of Corporate. But am I happy? Am I content? I knew for certain that I had failed in my appraisals, but had I passed in the exams of life?

I always thought that exams were only for students, that once you left school and college, you could forever say goodbye to exams, but I was wrong. I have realized over a period of time, that each day in life is an exam in itself. Each day in life you encounter situations where you must decide between right and wrong, good and bad, easy and difficult. You consider yourself lucky if the exam are based on a known syllabus, something that you are prepared for, but most of the time, the exams of life are all out of syllabus. In college, when you are given a question paper where questions are from out of syllabus, you could easily get away by saying that the questions were not from the prescribed syllabus, hence you couldn’t perform. But in the exams of life, you don’t have a choice, but to face whatever life throws at you, known or unknown, good, bad or ugly situations, all of it, boldly, confidently, and unafraid of failure. If you pass, good, if not, you must analyse what went wrong and pull yourself together and get ready for the next, for the exams just keep coming, and if you spend time brooding over the past failures, you are likely to fail in the next ones as well.  

   

 Back in school, I thought that doing well in the board exams of tenth and twelfth standards were the “be-all and end-all” of life. Hence, I spent most of my school life doing nothing but studying, I didn’t take time out to do things that I was passionate about, I used to tell myself that I had an entire lifetime to do all of that and so I should just stick to studying for the time-being. I never used to hang out with friends, in fact I hardly had any in school, I mean who would want to be stuck with a bookworm like me! And at the end of school, all the years spent mugging up text book after text book, finally paid off, I secured good marks, in both my board exams, but I realized I had paid a huge price for that – I had just let twelve years of my life go without doing things that I would later on regret not having done. What did I gain in that bargain, just a few more marks than my other classmates who found time to make friends, who found time to play, who found time to enjoy their school life along with studying. In my engineering college, I decided that I will not repeat the mistakes from school, I continued to be a bookworm in college also, but I did find time to make new friends, to relax a little bit, to bunk classes once in a while, to go on the college excursion to Goa, to hang out with friends, but at the same time study when it was necessary, which was usually only a few days before the exams! In my M.B.A however, I found time to enjoy my college life even more as I found time for all my passions – writing, singing, playing badminton, basically doing everything that I had missed doing back in school and much more! I had got the best grades in my life in B-School despite having taking time out from studies for all extra-curricular activities. It was in my B-School that I realized that it is not the destination alone that matters in life, the journey towards it is equally important and one must learn to enjoy the journey. I also learnt an important lesson in life during that time, which is something I wished I had learnt early on in life, it was that one must chose the exams that matter in life wisely.

In school and college, we would have given so many exams, but which were the ones that really mattered, the board exams in school, the entrance exams for college, the semester exams in college. The other exams did not matter much, hence, it made no sense on being overjoyed on being the class topper in one’s fifth grade, or in being dejected on failing an exam in your seventh. Even the much revered board exams weren’t the ultimate deciders of our careers as the world around us had convinced us it would be. Yes, they were important to a certain extent, but they certainly did not decide whose career took off and whose didn’t, at least from my personal experience I can vouch for the fact, as many of my classmates who didn’t score well in their board exams are now in much better positions in their career as compared to those who scored really well in those exams. The truth is that there are certain exams that are important in life and we need to focus only on doing well in those, but even if we are not able to do well in them, it is not the end of life. As long as one doesn’t give up and one is willing to work hard, the possibilities in life are endless. And as far as the important exams are concerned, many years down the line, those grades and marks would just be numbers one will hardly remember. Honestly, I have to go back to my old resumes or certificates back home to recollect my marks and grades in school and college. If that is the case with the important exams, then one can imagine how it would be for the exams that didn’t matter. The interesting thing however is that, even though I have trouble remembering my marks in exams during school and college, I remember very clearly each and every instance when I had bunked a class in college, I remember all the movies that I had watched with friends after having bunked class, I remember all those moments from that college excursion, I remember all those celebrations and festivities that we had back in B-School. Though I practically wasted all of my school life, I made up for what I had lost by thoroughly enjoying my college life. In addition to giving me a degree, my college life gave me friends for a lifetime and a treasure trove of beautiful memories.

It’s after this financial year end, that I realized that, it was high time I applied the practice of choosing my exams wisely in my work life also. In addition to the exam that our company gives us in the form of annual appraisals which test us as professionals, life keeps giving us so many exams that test us as human beings. In our efforts to do well as professionals, we often fail as human beings. But what we often don’t realize is that no one remembers a person because of their ratings in appraisals. One is always remembered for one’s honesty, one’s integrity, one’s dedication towards work and one’s good deeds. People remember you by the times you have helped them when they were in need. People remember you for the times when you were their source of support, when you inspired them to do better, when you offered a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. In all the eight years of my Corporate life, even though I had failed several times as a professional, I had never failed in the exams of life, I had never failed as a human being, but last year was an exception. In my pursuit of professional excellence, I forgot that I was a human being first and that is something I am not proud of. I ignored my health, I ignored my family, as I immersed myself in work. My work has enabled me to help make a difference in the lives of many, but of what good was that when I couldn’t help myself or the people near to me. 

In my professional life, I have come across many professionals who have absolutely no regard for their colleagues, who often forget that the person whom they are hurting, insulting, or taking for a ride, is after all a human being. I used to wonder if those colleagues were even human, but that is the thing about Corporate life, it is powerful enough to turn anyone into a robot devoid of any sort of feelings. What made the last year so difficult for me was that I had been at the receiving end of hurts and insults from many such colleagues, insults of such nature that the very thought of it, brings tears to my eyes. Despite having given my heart and soul to my job, there were people who criticised me for not doing my job well. Last year was also the first time in the eight years of my professional life that I had been so selfish and so obsessed with my work that I even refused to help a colleague who was in need. But my biggest failure last year had been when I was asked to do something which in my mind I knew was not right, but I had to do anyway just because I lacked the guts to say no. I was weak and afraid. I thought to myself, Was I any different from those colleagues whom I used to loathe. Was Corporate life slowly turning me also into someone like them? I realized with a lot of pain that I had failed miserably in the exams of life. Of what good was an outstanding rating in appraisal, when you knew you had completely failed as a human being?

I had two options before me as the year ended – I could either sit and sulk about the past or make up my mind to never repeat the mistakes of the past and move ahead, and I chose the latter. Just like the exams back in school and college, failing in one exam in life did not mean the end of life. I was determined that I wouldn’t let failure get the better of me. I was determined that I would not let Corporate life turn me into any kind of robot. I was a human being first and then a professional and I would never forget that. 

On the auspicious occasion of Vishu, which marks the beginning of a new year for Malayalees, I made five resolutions for a better me. I resolved that,

1) I will always stand firm on my beliefs and ideals even if all the odds are stacked up against me

2) I will always strive to be a good human being first and then a good professional

3) I will not let setbacks – personal or professional come in the way of  living life happily

4) I will choose my exams wisely and focus more on the ones that matter

5) I will enjoy this journey of life as the journey is what matters in the end, because if it is destined to be, the destination is never out of reach

Life is a beautiful journey and one of the things that make life so beautiful is that one can always make a brand new start in life, even after one has suffered major setbacks. There is always hope for a better tomorrow. We may not be able to turn back time, but we can make the most of the present and what is left of our life to make things better. The possibilities that life held were immense. Last year had ended on a very bad note for me, but last year is history now. I now have a whole new year to look forward to, to start afresh, to plan ahead, to not repeat the mistakes of the past, to learn, to accomplish what went unaccomplished, and to “March” ahead with confidence to another March next year, as a better professional and as a better human being. And this time around I am determined that I wouldn’t let the “Ides of March” get the better of me!

Here is wishing everyone a very happy Vishu! Here is to new beginnings in life! Here is to success in all the exams of life!

Valentine's 2K19: A beginning of new love affairs

A post about Valentine’s Day, a week after the D-Day or V-Day, is late by any standards. But I had legit reasons for not been able to post anything on the same day. While people were busy declaring their love for their partners or wishing that they had someone in their lives to share the special occasion with or reminiscing about their lost love, I found myself literally dragging my feet into the place that I most detest in this world – Hospital. With three instances of accidents in my childhood where each instance had me or rather my parents rushing me to the hospital, to get my injuries tended to, where each one required getting stitches, with one requiring multiple surgeries also, the hospital was one place that I dreaded, as it reminded me of those instances. In my childhood, I was anything but naughty, but I was the one who was always falling down and getting injured, when my naughty friends were up to all sorts of mischief, but were never hurt. Luckily, the saga of falling down and getting injured, ended after school. It was smooth sailing once college started, I had no major falls or illnesses that required me to visit a hospital.

And after so many years, I found myself in a hospital, that too on a Valentine’s Day. It had been more than five days that I had been suffering from fever, cold and cough, but I was confident that I will overcome my sickness without any medication. The body has self-healing powers, I had read somewhere, I had taken it a little too seriously, I guess. The initial few days of the ordeal were bearable, hence I was busy with my work as usual, but as my health started deteriorating, I realized that I was not able to work, leave work, I was not even able to get out of my bed to fetch a glass of water. The interesting part is that it is the former that made me more miserable than the latter. Anything that came in the way of work had to be dealt with, immediately. I searched my bag for the emergency medicines that I keep in handy, found the one for fever and downed a pill. The first one made me feel better, but after a while, I was back to square one. The morning of Valentine’s Day, my situation was so bad, I thought that I was going to die and since I had so much unfinished work, I thought I would probably have to come back as a ghost to finish all of that! Before my mind could conjure up more such images, I decided that it was time to pay a visit to that place that I dread, before I actually dropped dead. When workaholics fall sick, the thought of not been able to work makes them more sick than the illness itself, I guess!

So, I headed to the nearby hospital for what I would like to describe as a Valentine’s date with doctors and nurses, and injections and medicines, and devices that looked straight out of those digital electronics labs back in engineering college (now that is one scary date, all those who used to dread digital electronics would vouch for that!) on which some graphs were displayed and which were letting out some beep sounds at regular intervals. As much as I hated visiting a hospital and as much as the very thought of being in a hospital scared  the daylights out of me, I must say that I did feel thousand times better once I was inside the hospital, there was this unique sense of calm in my mind, it was as if my mind was telling me that now things will only get better, so just relax. And things did get better. Multiple injections and a whole bottle of some mysterious fluid (which the nurse told me had to be injected into my body as I grew impatient when it was showing no signs of getting over even after an hour) I felt like a brand new person. My test reports had come, there was nothing to fear, no life-threatening illnesses, just fever and a pair of infected lungs, which could be treated with a handful of antibiotics. As I got my medicines and my reports and was leaving the hospital, I realized how fortunate I was. In the few hours that I spent at the hospital, though I was part conscious and part unconscious during the whole time, I saw many things around me that changed me for the better.

In the bed opposite mine was a young girl, I didn’t know what her illness was, but by merely observing her and her family for a few minutes, I could see that she was in pain and seeing her in pain was unbearable for her family, leave alone her family, it was unbearable even for a complete stranger like me. When a grown-up like me itself dreads the very thought of hospitals, doctors and injections, I cannot even imagine how afraid that little girl must have been, how scary the sights and sounds in the hospital would have been to her. On the way to the labs to get my tests done, I saw many other sections of the hospital, the dialysis room, the oncology department, the orthopaedics department. I saw patients being moved around in wheelchairs and stretchers, their families tagging along. There was desperation on some faces, whereas relief on some others. I overheard someone talk over the phone, his voice ecstatic, he was saying that the reports of the CT scan of his father had come and there was nothing to fear. That look on his face, that happiness in his voice, pure bliss! When I got back from the hospital, I thought about the time that I spent there, I thought to myself, well, it was probably not a bad way to celebrate Valentine’s Day after all. Because all I could recollect from the day were images of love, love for one’s family in the eyes of the family members of patients, love for one’s life in the eyes of the patients, love for one’s job in the eyes of the doctors and nurses, who were in my mind blood sucking vampires (blame it on the white uniforms and syringes) up until this last hospital visit, but who have now been elevated to the status of God send angels in my mind after the recent visit. I am not sure how many times I would have thanked those doctors and nurses who had attended to me, the next morning after I woke up, as I had the most peaceful sleep in ages that night, as all the nights before that I could hardly sleep a wink because of my illness.

The Valentine’s date with the hospital also served as a beginning of a new love affair in my life, one which I wish lasts a life time – a love affair with health. Whoever said “Health is Wealth”, was absolutely right. In fact, I believe it is the only wealth in the world that is actually worth striving for. Among all the priorities in my life, health never found a place in my list, not even at the bottom. I guess it is because I had taken my health for granted. It also had to do with my genes. I have seen my mother take care of everyone in the family in the best way possible, but when it came to taking care of her own health, she always turned a blind eye to it and deaf ears to the advice of her family. Whereas my father, who despite being a workaholic, always took great care of his health. Thanks to my genes, I became a workaholic who ignores her health. It is really strange, but many people would go to any lengths to ensure that their dear ones are healthy, but they would not devote even a small percentage of their time, efforts or money to take care of themselves. We are ever ready to take care of the people who are dear to us, but we often forget that only if we are healthy, we can actually be of some help to the people around us. I love my work and I would do anything to ensure that my work is not affected, be it spending sleepless nights, travelling like crazy, skipping meals, I would do it all. But when it comes to doing something for my health, like spending some time for exercise or eating healthy food and that too on time, taking breaks, I give myself millions of excuses for not doing any of that. It is only when I reached a stage where I was unable to work that I even thought of getting medical attention, else I would have let my illness go untreated. In my mad frenzy to keep working, I actually did more harm to my work, as my illness prevented me from working for so many days. I had been stupid for a long time, but it’s never too late to realize one's mistake and correct it. So, this Valentine’s day, I decided to start a love affair with health. I had always taken my health for granted, but in my last visit to the hospital, I realized that I was so fortunate as compared to the many in this world who are dealing with life-threatening illnesses. I realized that I should not take good health for granted, I had to ensure that I did my part in improving it and maintaining it. I also realized that unless I put ‘Health’ high up on my list of priorities, I couldn’t take care of the rest of my priorities like family and work. This Valentine’s Day marked the beginning of my lifelong affair with good health. To all those who are like me, who ignore their health, I would say it’s high time you also start this affair, after all, it’s an affair that is totally worth investing your time and efforts in, and trust me, you won’t regret it!

One usually associates Valentine’s Day with red colour, however this year's Valentine's day was a black-letter day, not just for Indians, but for entire humanity. When I read about the terrorist attack on the CRPF convoy in Pulwama, Kashmir that took the lives of 41 CRPF Jawans, I was shocked as well as saddened. Honestly, my first reaction to the news was hate. I thought that whoever was responsible for that heinous act had to be killed, each and every one of them deserved to die. I did not know any of the martyred Jawans, I was just an Indian citizen and I felt so much angst and hatred, I couldn’t even imagine what the families of the deceased would have been feeling. But that’s when I realized that this is a vicious cycle, someone commits a violent crime out of hate and it in turn give rise to more hatred and anger; hate breeds more hate. A few days later, there were multiple killings in my state Kerala, in the name of political rivalry. I could not understand how there can be so much hate in someone that they go about taking the lives of innocent people. It was something that I just could not comprehend. But I realized one thing after these recent incidents – hate is something that has to be done away with in our lives, if we want to make our lives better. I thought about all the people I hate in my life – people who were rude to me, people who have caused me or my family some hurt at some point or the other in life. But when I looked back at the events that led to that hatred, I understood that the initial reason for my hatred had been very trivial, it’s just that I had kept that hate in my mind for so long, it actually became much bigger than it actually was. I realized that holding on to hate only made me bitter.  I decided to let go of the hate, not for the people I hated, but for myself. It was a liberating feeling.  

There is already so much of hatred in this world, the world could use more love. We could use more instances than Valentine’s day to celebrate love. To all those who keep hatred and envy in their hearts, all I want to say is that, it makes perfect sense to let go of hate and envy, you will feel much better when you do that. This Valentine’s day, I decided that I will start a new love affair with love itself. It is high time we let go of hate and learn to love again, just like we did when we were children, irrespective of differences, prejudices, just pure unadulterated love. My love affair with love has begun, maybe you could start one too, maybe this world could use more of such affairs! So here is to the beginning of new love affairs in life, love for one’s health, love for oneself, love for everyone in this world, love for love itself! May these love affairs last a lifetime and may they help us become better human beings and make this world a better place! Signing off with a favourite quote of mine, from the Bard himself – “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none”. 

Cheers to love!

What makes you beautiful?

-          Dedicated to all the “beautiful” people in my life! 

I have always wondered, what is it that endears a person to someone? Is it their looks, is it their character, or is it their personality, or is it something which is beyond all reason and logic, like an inexplicable emotion that simply makes them attractive to you. Growing up, I used to believe that good looks were what made someone attractive. If you look good, you invariably become a magnet, drawing everyone around you, towards you. At least that was my belief growing up, and life gave me plenty of instances that kept strengthening my belief. In school, all the good looking children had lots of friends, they were showered with love and affection by teachers, parents, students alike. In college too, good looking people were always surrounded by a group of people, they were the topic of most discussions, their opinions were valued more than that of others, they enjoyed so much attention in a day which probably people like me with average to poor looks never got in our entire lives even! The story was no different at the workplace too. Good looking people seemed to have everything going for them, at every stage of their lives.

When I look at the world around me, it seems to me that everyone is so obsessed with looking good all the time, wearing the best clothes,  sporting the trendiest hair styles, trying to attract everyone's attention towards them. You post a photo in social media and eagerly wait for the “likes” and comments to pour in. Everyone wants to hear others say that they are beautiful. I would be lying to myself if I said that I was any different, I too have at one point of time in my life, wanted to look good, wanted so desperately to get some good comment about the way I looked, but all I used to get were some very harsh comments on how skinny I was or how my hair was such a terrible mess, to which I had always wanted to reply, “tell me something I don’t know” (a popular dialogue from the movie ‘Simmba’ that I watched recently) because (a) I know that I am skinny and (b) I know that I have a ‘bad hair day’ 365 days of the year, but that’s how I am! Being a fair person in a country that is obsessed with fairness also didn’t help me much, because there were people who used to tell me that I was so white I looked like a sick person! A young me took all those comments to heart, got dejected and sunk deeper and deeper into my shell. But over a period of time, however, I realized that I had been so wrong and so foolish all the while to think that one’s looks were all that mattered to the people around you. It must have been in my late twenties that this change in my notions of beauty started manifesting itself. I had slowly started to realize that this obsession with looking good was meaningless, pointless, and totally not worth it. Gradually the realization set in that there is more to being beautiful than one’s external appearance. Recently I read the book ‘A Picture Of Dorian Grey’ by Oscar Wilde and it just sealed the deal. It is a book that entirely changed my concept of beauty.

‘A Picture Of Dorian Grey’ had been on my reading list for last year (it was a new year resolution that I had made at the beginning of last year to read at least one book every month, a book which readers across the world had said in unison were amongst the best books to read in one’s lifetime), so when I picked up the book from the Crossword store in Cochin last year along with the other must-reads in my list, I knew that the book was going to be special, but that it would bring about a sea change in the way I looked at beauty and life in general, of that I was unaware. When I finished reading the book, it left me with a very uneasy and unsettling feeling, which I found very difficult to break free from for many days, many months, in fact. But once I broke free from it, I realized that I was not the same person that I was before reading the book. Something in me had changed and I knew that it was for the better. The book is a tale of fiction, but it is as real as it can be in depicting human nature. The book tells the story of Dorian Grey, a young man with such exceptional good looks that one could say that he was beauty personified. One day, his friend, who is an artist, paints a beautiful picture of him. Once while looking at the picture, Dorian wishes that he could stay just as he is in the picture all throughout his life, beautiful and youthful forever, and instead of him, his portrait in the picture changed and grew old, as he changed with time. And to his surprise his wish comes true!

At the first thought, it is like any human being’s best wish come true, isn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to be timeless and young and beautiful all their lives? But how does Dorian’s wish change his life, does it change his life for the better as one would expect or does it change it for worse? Was his wish coming true, a boon or a bane for Dorian? One has to read the book to find answers to what happens to Dorian. However, in real life, if we were also granted a wish like that of Dorian, choosing between eternal beauty of the body or the soul, what would we have chosen? Would we have chosen differently from Dorian? The answers to what happens to Dorian’s life can be found in the lines of the book, but the answers to whether it is worth wishing for beauty of the body over beauty of one’s soul, can be found between the lines of the book. It is a book that will make you think, a great deal. It will have you asking yourselves questions that perhaps you have never asked yourselves before, and once find answers to your questions, trust me, there will be no going back to your old self.

There are all kinds of theories about beauty – some people say that beauty is skin deep, some say that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. But what exactly does beauty refer to – is it restricted to what we see or is there more to beauty than meets the eye. People spend all their lives obsessing over beauty, it is no wonder why the beauty industry is a thriving one, with multiple brands promising to make you look like a ramp-ready model in minutes and the growing number of professionals who claim that they can transform you from an ugly duckling to a Prince Charming in no time. But in this endless obsession with having a beautiful outward appearance, what people often forget is that there is something inside us which is far more important than what’s on the outside and which needs constant nourishment and care – our souls. The interesting thing is, no matter how much effort we put into improving our external appearance, one always falls short. There will always be someone who will not find you good enough, someone who will find faults with your looks. But, even if we manage to get everything right, how do we stop the passage of time? With time our body will start showing signs of ageing, no matter what we do to overcome that. Then there are unexpected things that can alter the way one looks – accidents or diseases, and I am not even talking about life-threatening ones, even a simple illness can have a very adverse impact on the way we look. Some people take great pride in being very fair, but what they don’t realize is that, all it takes is a few minutes of a walk in the sun to go from fair to dark. One thing is for sure – one’s looks are not permanent. Looks are as transient as they can be and the earlier we understand it, the better it is for us to leave our obsession with looks behind. However, it is not the case with our souls – they do not get worn out with time, in fact they become more beautiful with time, provided we refrain from doing things that damage its beauty. If we keep nourishing our souls with good thoughts it remains beautiful forever. No illness, no disease, no event in this world can diminish the beauty of one’s soul. The better as human-beings we become with time, the more beautiful our souls become. It’s a pity that most people spend time on making themselves beautiful on the outside, when they should be spending time on enriching their souls by reading good books, gaining more knowledge, listening to wise people and doing good deeds. Most often, it is too late by the time they realize this fact, but by then their looks would have gone and their souls would have been damaged beyond repair. One can always make peace with the loss of one’s looks, but how does one ever make peace with the loss of the beauty of one’s soul. It is something that no one can live with.

‘The Picture Of Dorian Grey’ by Oscar Wilde, serves as an eye-opener to all people in the world who are obsessed with outer beauty. Reading the book made me look at all the people in my life in a new light. I thought about all the people whom I like very much in this world, starting with my parents. My parents are no superstars or supermodels, but I find them more beautiful than anyone else in this world. To me my father personifies all things good in the world – honesty, integrity, goodness, kindness, dedication, perseverance and it is his soul that is the most beautiful part of him. My mother is to me the epitome of love, affection, compassion, simplicity and sacrifice. What makes my mother beautiful is all of that. I thought about my best friends from school and college, well, they may not be the likes of Greek Gods or Goddesses, but they are amongst the most kind and supportive people I have come across in life. I thought about my teachers, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not recollect even one instance when I was vowed by the way they looked, but I could recollect countless lectures of theirs, where I was completely in awe of their knowledge, their wisdom, their rich experience, their grace, their poise and their way of speaking. I thought about some of the best colleagues in my work life, even though I do not remember the days when they wore a new dress or looked exceptionally good, I remember all the instances of their extraordinary kindnesses which endeared them to me, each and every one of them. I also thought about myself, if looks were what mattered in order to succeed in life, then probably I would not have been able to study in some of the best colleges and work with some of the best companies in the country! 

  

When I look back at life, I cannot find even one instance when I had been attracted to someone who is dear to me, because of the way they looked on a particular day. All I can recollect about them are the times when I had been touched by the beauty of their soul. It had never been about the way they looked, it had never been about the dresses they wore, it had always been about their soul. Yes, it was their soul that made them beautiful then, and it is what makes them beautiful even now, and it is what will remain beautiful in them, forever. So the next time, you look into the mirror and you feel that maybe you don’t look good enough, tell yourselves that it doesn’t matter because as long as you have a beautiful mind, it is all that matters. The next time someone tells you that you are not beautiful enough or someone gives you a harsh comment on the way you look, just forgive them as they do not know what true beauty is, forgive them as they cannot see you for who you really are. Stop worrying about what other people have to say about you, because if we start living our lives thinking about what others say or think about us, we will only have time to worry. So let people say all that they want, good or bad, but don’t take any of that to heart. Even if the whole world body shames you, do not lose heart, instead just listen to your heart, and if your heart says that you are beautiful, then that’s it, you need not look any further for validation. 

God has made all of us a certain way, we have to accept everything that He has given us as His gift and be happy for it, because if He has made that decision for us, we have to trust that it will be for our best. The best gift that we can probably give our creator and for that matter ourselves and all the people in our lives is to love ourselves just the way we are, because everyone who loves us also loves us just as we are, so why should we be any different! Here's to beauty that lasts a lifetime and beyond!      

Black, Write or Grey?

After having survived a flood and a cyclone, I find myself thinking about life and people in general, much more than I used to. I have all these questions in my mind that I try to find answers to, but the more I think the murkier my mind gets, as every question leads me to further questions and the answers keep evading me. I have always found life to be a puzzle, but more puzzling than life are the people in life. People have always been a mystery to me, I have always wondered why certain people are the way they are and why they do the things they do. Though every day in life has helped me gain some insights into the same, there have been certain days, certain incidents in my life, that have given me invaluable insights that laid to rest many of those questions in my mind, but at the same time gave rise to some more questions. I distinctly remember two such incidents – one was a flood in Kashmir four years ago and the other is a very recent one, a cyclone in Thanjavur a few days ago.

When what starts off as a pleasure trip turns into the stuff that your worst nightmares are made of, you can be rest assured that you are in for a very rude shock. It was what happened to me four years ago, when we, me and my parents, found ourselves stranded at a disaster relief camp during the floods in Jammu and Kashmir in the year 2014. It was an experience that brought me close to the many facets of human nature, like one's love for life, one's fear of losing something that is dear to us and one's willingness to help one another, irrespective of their differences. It was an experience that brought out the best qualities in all of us. We had realized the value of life. We also realized the volatility and the futility of the things that we spend all our lives chasing - money, power and fame; all of it could change in the blink of an eye and none of it mattered when one's life was at stake. Had we not been in a life-threatening situation like the one we were faced with, I am not sure if we would have behaved in the same way that we did, back then, helping one another, talking to one another and giving each other hope. Had it been a normal day, our egos, our prejudices, would have come to play and we would have rushed to find faults with one another at the drop of a hat! However, there were some exceptions though, people who were their selfish, arrogant, greedy and inconsiderate selves, even when they knew their lives as well as the lives of others around them were in peril. If something like a life or death situation could not bring about a change in their ways, then I wonder what possibly could. But after a week-long ordeal, once we reached our homes safely all that remained in our minds was gratitude to all those who had been good to us. Their acts of kindness remained  etched in our hearts and so did they, whereas the acts of hatred as well as the people behind them were quickly forgotten. But the experience left me with several questions that I am still struggling to find answers to. Why is it that we have to wait for a critical situation to be our best selves, why is it that we have to lose something to finally realize the value of what we have lost? Why is it that we can't let go of our egos, our differences, our hatred, when we know that this world would be a much better place without them? Why is there so much greed for money in this world, when we know that we do not take anything with us when we leave this world? 

A couple of days ago, I found myself in a similar situation, though it wasn't as threatening as the floods of Kashmir, it did bring a lot of fear, desperation and helplessness in my life – the recent cyclone Gaja which ravaged several districts of Tamil Nadu including Thanjavur, the district where I work. I had only seen cyclones in movies on T.V and read about them in news, until a few days ago, when I saw and experienced for real, how a cyclone affects the lives of people. The cyclonic storm Gaja started in the wee hours of Friday, 16^th November 2018. Power went off within a few minutes since the winds started blowing heavily and I was finding it difficult to fall asleep, so I opened the doors of my room and came out to the hall of the hostel, where I stay in Thanjavur. What I saw through the grilled doors of the hostel would easily go down as one of the scariest sights of my life, wind was blowing so heavily that even big trees were swaying furiously in the direction of the wind. The winds were so strong, everything around was being hurled around viciously by the wind. Accompanying the winds were heavy rains. The humming sound created by the heavy winds and the rains, it is amongst the most haunting sounds that I have ever heard in my life. It has been many days since I witnessed it, and I am still not able to get that sound out of my head. The sights and the sounds combined to create a sense of utmost terror in my mind. I stood there watching cyclone Gaja wreak havoc on the place that over the past three years had become second home to me – Thanjavur.  

     

After six hours or so, which seemed like an eternity to all of us in Thanjavur, the winds stopped, but it continued to rain. With the loss of power, our struggle for survival began – mobiles went off, laptops went off, water supply stopped, public transport stopped, life pretty much came to a standstill before we knew it. I had enquired the status of all the people whom I interact with as part of work over WhatsApp to check if they were alright and then sent a message home saying that I was safe and they need not worry. I was able to get a few responses, but by the time my phone ran out of charge. What followed was a long wait for things to get back to normal, with my mobile phone gone, I practically had no connection to the outside world, I was not aware of the situation in places other than Thanjavur. I was sitting and waiting when our hostel management sent word to those who were in the hostel that power will not be restored for the next two days, hence the hostel was going to be closed for the next two days. That is when I became aware of the extent of damage that had been caused by the cyclone. Large trees had been uprooted in many places in Thanjavur and electric poles and transmission lines had been damaged. There was no surety as to whether the power supply would be back after two days also. One after the other, hostel inmates started packing their bags and moving back to their homes. I was not sure as to what I would do, I did not have any relatives in Thanjavur or any place nearby. I had no place to go other than my home in Cochin, or no one to go to other than my parents. I knew it was too late to get any train tickets as it was afternoon by the time I got the news. Moreover, I was not sure if any trains or buses were going out of Thanjavur even. With very low hopes, I decided to check if any train tickets were available. I used up every remaining power in my laptop to charge my phone and check for tickets. I was surprised when I saw that there was just one train ticket remaining in the only direct train that connects Thanjavur and Cochin, I felt like I finally found a ray of hope in an otherwise dark day. I booked that ticket and just as I got the booking confirmation message, my phone got switched off again. There were speculations that the train would be cancelled as it starts from Karaikal and travels via Nagapattinam before it reaches Thanjavur and from what I heard from one of my distributors who had called me in the morning, Nagapattinam had been very badly affected by the cyclone. However the train came, after a delay of two hours due to the damages in the track, but it wasn’t cancelled. I boarded the train, left a message to my manager on my phone seeking his permission to be out of Thanjavur for a couple of days and tried to go to sleep, but I couldn’t sleep a wink that night out of the all the frights that the day had given me. The images of the damage that the cyclone had caused which I saw on the way from my hostel to the railway station were etched in my mind. The humming sounds of the winds and the rains, they still echoed in my head. I was finding it hard to fall asleep, I was filled with an inexplicable fear. I longed to be back home, to be with my parents. 

   

Once I reached my home in Cochin and saw the faces that I had been waiting to see, the fear had left me. Having a place to call one’s own is one of the best things in life and having people who will have your back even during the most trying times of your life, a blessing. I sometimes wonder, what I would do had it not been for my parents in life. At the same time, I thought about those people who were now stranded due to the cyclone, I thought about those were away from their families. I thought about all those people who were left homeless by the cyclone, about those whose homes were damaged by the cyclone. I felt sorry for them, I felt angry at life. Why did life have to be so difficult at times? Maybe this is all a master-plan by a greater power than we can comprehend, maybe these are trials to test our faith in God, maybe it is to help us understand and appreciate the value of life, maybe it is all part of God's plan to help us become better human-beings, only time will tell. I was lost in these thoughts when I realized that I had a job to do. I started enquiring about my distributors in Thanjavur, Tiruvarur and Nagapattinam. It was sad news from most parts, the houses of many of their employees had been damaged, there were damages to their offices, power and internet connectivity erratic, but fortunately there were no casualties. Life isn’t that bad, I thought. Once I was done making the enquiries, I sat back and thought about it, the people whom I interact with on a daily basis, apart from those who were in the cyclone affected area, there was not a single message from them enquiring the status of the condition back there. Honestly that was a very sinking feeling and it hurt very badly. I was thinking, maybe I have made a mistake in judging people. I thought that there will be many who will be there with me when I need them, even without me asking. But I was wrong, again. The people who we think are there with us, are they really with us or are they just pretending to be? Honestly, when I look back in life, I find that the people who helped me during the most difficult situations in my life are not those whom I interact with all the time, but they were people, whom I had least expected would be there to help me or anyone for that matter. I was wondering, is there anyone who truly cares about you in this world, other than maybe your parents? Why is it that the world always looks up to people who project themselves as good and shun those who do not follow suit because they don’t believe in showing off or are not looking for any kind of approval from the society that they are good. How does one really know if a person is genuine or fake? 

All these thoughts were running through my mind, but I was a bit relieved that I was safe and so were every other acquaintance of mine in Thanjavur, Tiruvarur and Nagapattinam. I turned on the T.V to know the recent developments on the cyclone, but to my surprise I saw that no channels, regional as well as national, were running any news on the cyclone, but they were busy showing the developments from Sabarimala temple where protests were rampant in connection with the recent Supreme Court verdict that permits women to enter the temple. Suddenly a Hartal had been declared in Kerala and people across Kerala were struggling to get through the day due to the unexpected Hartal. After seeing all the hue and cry over the verdict and the way people were abusing and hurting each other and the way the common man was being made to suffer because of the Hartal, I felt disgusted and switched off the T.V. My mind was in turmoil. I thought to myself, people are just unbelievable! Just a couple of months ago, Kerala had faced a flood that literally brought everyone in the state to their knees. They were struggling for life back then and the differences between people had vanished as everyone helped one another in overcoming, one of the worst crisis that they had perhaps faced in their life time. They were so good to each other, it had taken my faith in humanity to an altogether different level. Now here they were, hardly three months since the floods, fighting against each other, hurting each other, all in the name of religion and politics.  

It’s only natural that my thoughts are a bit clouded now as I recently recovered from a week-long illness that ended on a frightening note with a cyclone, but this emotional turmoil has always been there in my mind. The mystery, the puzzle that is mankind, I had always wanted to unravel this mystery. People confuse me, their behaviour confuses me. At one point, they are all noble and godly, the next moment they are evil personified. Why are people like that? Why is it that people are good at times but evil at other times? Why is it that some people are good all the time whereas some are not? Are there only two kinds of people in this world – the good ones and the bad ones, or does good and bad both coexist in everyone? Is this world just plain black and white, or are there shades of grey in between?

I used to wonder if it is it just me who has questions like these on their minds or are there others who have asked themselves these questions at some point or the other in their lives. The answer is yes, at least that is what I have learnt from the books that I have read. Recently I read ‘The Catcher In The Rye’ by J.D. Salinger and ‘To Kill A Mocking Bird’ by Harper Lee, two books that made me realize that I am not alone, there were many before me who have had similar thoughts about mankind, who had been puzzled by the way mankind is. From these books by great authors and thinkers and from the conversations of the great minds that I admire, I have learnt one thing – people are different and they behave differently at times, but if we really look deep down, people are good. There are a couple of lines, infact they are the closing lines of the book ‘To Kill A Mocking Bird’ that moved me to tears as I read them. The beauty of the lines is that they convey a message that is as simple as it is profound. I am sure that the lines and the message that they convey will stay with me as well as the reader for the rest of their lives.

Quote.

“Atticus, He was real nice”.

“Most people are Scout, when you finally see them”.

Unquote.

I remember reading this article once, in Mathrubhumi newspaper, by Mata Amritanandamayi (lovingly called Amma). In the article Amma was saying that we should always try to look at the goodness of people because when we say that someone is bad, we ourselves are becoming bad. Amma says that there will always be some good in even the most evil of all people. It is this goodness in everyone that one should learn to see, appreciate and nurture.

There have been lot of times in my life when I have been extremely disappointed with someone’s behaviour to me, sometimes it was something they said, and sometimes it was something they did, that caused me a lot of hurt. There are times when I have seen people behave in the most inconsiderate manner that it made me question my very faith in humanity. I have seen rich people exploit the poor and powerful people exploit the oppressed and go on about their lives without the slightest morsel of remorse. I could spend all my life hating such people, but hate never did any good to anyone. Instead of hating them, I started looking at them in a different light. I thought, maybe it is their ignorance or their circumstances, or their upbringing that made them behave that way, or maybe they were actually mean or bad.  As long as I didn’t know the real reason behind their behaviour, it made sense to believe that they are inherently good. Well, there have also been many instances in life where I have been at the receiving end of extraordinary acts of kindness and compassion. I have seen people display utmost honesty and integrity in their acts. 

History stands testimonial to the power of humanity, but it has also witnessed so many acts that would take away one’s belief in humanity. After much thought, I have understood that one cannot just look at this world and the people in it as black and white, there are varying shades of grey too in this world. Life too has its shades of grey, there is happiness, there is sadness and places in between. A world that is all white, a world filled with nothing but goodness, maybe too ideal a concept to wish for. But wish we must and strive we must, in our own small ways to leave this world a better place than it is today. As Amma says, “Try to make others happy, and don’t despair over all the evil in the world. Instead of cursing the dark, let us each light one small lamp”. 

If you wish to light a small lamp in the lives of the thousands in Tamil Nadu who have been affected by the recent cyclonic storm Gaja - ones who have lost their family members, ones who have lost their homes, their belongings, their crops, their life's earnings, you can send in your contributions, small or big to the Chief Minister's Public Relief Funds by following the link below. 

https://ereceipt.tn.gov.in/cmprf/cmprf.html 

The people who have been affected by the cyclone are predominantly from very poor agrarian backgrounds. Thanjavur is known as the "Rice bowl" of Tamil Nadu. We owe a lot to the farmers in Thanjavur, who are the people behind the rice on our tables. Let's get together and help fill their rice bowls again. May Thanjavur and all the other districts in Tamil Nadu that have been affected by cyclone Gaja, return to normalcy soon! 

Love Transcends All Boundaries

The Kerala floods last month had a devastating effect on the state and its people, but what emerged when a whole state submerged, was the power of ‘Humanity’. In the days following the aftermath of the incessant rains and floods in the latter half of the last month in Kerala, emerged stories of human kindness, compassion and unity that was enough to warm the hearts of everyone in rain dampened Kerala. The whole world witnessed how Humanity shone through even as the state was grappling with a disaster that had brought the lives of everyone in the state to a standstill.

Some very heart-warming tales of the champions of humanity from the Kerala floods below:

Fishermen or Super-Men?

As the Kerala Police, Indian Air Force, Indian Army, Indian Navy and NDRF put their full might into rescue operations to help people stranded in flooded areas to safety, they received a back-up rescue team who had no uniforms, but who exhibited the same courage and valour as the officers, to rescue their fellow beings, even as they struggled to make ends meet – The Fishermen of Kerala. What sets their story apart from anyone else’s is that they did it out of their own will, without any compulsion and without expecting anything in return, but just out of their love for the people around them. They were able to rescue much more people than all the service personnel as they were able to go where most personnel could not even reach. One very special moment was when a fisherman offered his back to people to board a rubber boat as they were unable to get into the boat without a platform.

Face of God

One look at the photo below is enough to melt anyone’s heart. The picture of a policeman holding a baby rescued from a flooded area shared by the Twitter handle of Indian Police Service Association, moved many to tears, as the officer was holding the baby as if it were his own, saving it from the pouring rains, even as he was getting completely drenched. If you ever wondered if God exists, one look at the picture is enough to make you believe that God exists – in everyone who has compassion in their heart and if you want to see how He looks like, then you need not look any further than this picture. Undoubtedly one of the most touching images from the Kerala floods.

Angels from the sky

When a pregnant woman in her due date got stranded in her house due to the floods, angels descended from the sky in the form of officers of Indian Navy who airlifted her and flew her to safety where she gave birth to a very healthy baby boy. The Indian Navy and Indian Air Force airlifted many such stranded people who badly needed medical attention and saved several lives during the floods. The commoners who were rescued owed their lives to them, but how do they convey that to the officers who were on back-to-back rescue missions? So , they did this. The officers were in for a very sweet surprise the next day as they started their  rescue work!

The little girl with a big heart

Anupriya, an eight year old girl from Tamil Nadu won hearts across the nation, by her beautiful gesture of kindness and compassion, when she contributed her piggy bank money that she had been saving up to buy a bicycle, to the Kerala distress relief fund. Such a selfless act at such a tender age, Anupriya is a real hero! With children like Anupriya who exhibit such humane characteristics at such a tender age, we can be rest assured that the future of our nation looks very promising. 

Netizens to saviours

From using the Internet for trolling others to using Internet for saving lives, the young netizens of Kerala showed that there is more to them than just memes and trolls. When the entire state was struggling to come to terms with the tragedy that had struck them unexpectedly, these young guns in no time, channelled their networking skills to provide a platform to facilitate relief and rescue operations. Facebook and WhatsApp suddenly turned into control centres – a place for sharing locations of stranded people who needed to be rescued, to pass on important contact numbers, to share details of relief camps, to alert people, to guide them, and to motivate them. Many lives were saved thanks to these sharing platforms and to the tireless efforts of the tech-savvy millennials who put their life into what they do best!

And finally the unsung heroes – You and me, The Common Man.

We came across many stories of heroism, courage, extra-ordinary efforts and compassion during the recent floods in Kerala. We came across stories of many nations, states, organisations and prominent personalities offering help to Kerala in the form of money and resources. They are all heroes, no doubt. However, there are a lot of unsung heroes too , whose acts are no less significant than that of the others. They may not have superior powers or characteristics to talk for hours about, but they too have the spark of humanity in them and it shines through in their actions too. The unsung heroes of the flood - the common man like you and me, who showed that there is a hero in all of us by contributing in whatever small way possible to making a difference in the lives of all those who were affected by the floods in Kerala.

Among those unsung heroes are the IndianOil officers in Kerala State Office, who worked relentlessly during the floods to ensure that our Terminals, Depots, Bottling plants and Aviation Fuel Stations were operating smoothly to provide fuel to the rescue choppers and vehicles and all the relief camps so that rescue and relief operations went on uninterrupted. The families of the officers who had turned their homes into a nodal centre for preparing and dispatching materials to relief camps also deserve a very special mention for their contributions. And so do all the delivery boys, distributors, dealers and Retail Outlet Customer Attendants who went beyond their call of duty to ensure that supply of fuel was not interrupted at any cost, as timely availability of fuel meant saving several lives, at that point of time. 

Well, the above were stories that I had come to know through social media, news, colleagues, friends and family. However, recently I happened to get to know two such stories personally. I was in for a pleasant surprise a few days ago, when I got a call from one of my distributors in Tiruvaur district (one of the districts in my sales area) informing me that all the Indane distributors of the district had collected Rs. 1,00,000 for contributing to the Kerala Chief Minister’s Distress Relief Fund. As their officer, I couldn’t help but feel proud of the fact that there was so much kindness and compassion in them; and as a Keralite, I was extremely touched and moved by their gesture of voluntarily coming forward to help people from a different state. Shortly after that, I came to know that all Indane distributors of Cuddalore district also had already contributed relief materials worth Rs. 1,00,000 to the flood affected people in Kerala. Indane distributors of Trichy area office of IndianOil have always shown great interest in supporting humanitarian causes, of that I was aware, but by extending support to people of a neighbouring state, they have showed that they are “Pehle Indian, Phir Oil”. From all these stories, one thing is very clear – Love knows no boundaries. Love for one’s fellow beings, kindness and compassion, these are emotions that transcend all boundaries. The unprecedented support that Kerala received from all corners of the country and the world, in the past few weeks bears testimony to that.

Indane Distributors of Tiruvarur handing over a D.D of Rs. 1,00,000 towards Kerala CMDRF to The District Collector Tiruvarur, Shri Nirmal Raj (left), Indane Distributors of Cuddalore handing over relief materials worth Rs. 1,00,000 to the Cuddalore District Collectorate (right)

I have just shared with all of you, a few stories of human love and compassion during and after the Kerala floods that I am aware of, but there are so many that I am not aware of, which may be even more heart-warming and inspiring than the ones that I know. May all such stories be told, be shared. May all those heroes and their inspiring acts be celebrated, as they all serve as reminders to many of us, who in this fast paced world of ours, have forgotten that human mind is capable of so much love and compassion and that wonders result when our actions are driven by a mind filled with love and compassion.

On this Teacher’s Day, along with thanking our teachers from school and college, and our mentors at work, let us also thank all these heroes, as they have also taught us precious lessons in humanity, lessons that will stay with us for a lifetime!