The Exams of Life

“Beware the Ides of March”, a phrase from William Shakespeare’s Julius Caeser, which I had first come across during my school days, I believed in those days, served as a warning not just to Caeser, but to all of us students,  for what lay ahead of us in March, year after year at school – Exams! But little did I know back then that the “Ides of March” would continue to haunt many of us every year, even after school, disguised as “Financial Year End”, a term much dreaded by Corporate professionals, who most of us had become!

I always thought that March was a month which only students feared, courtesy their annual exams or board exams. But, after having spent eight years in Corporate, I feel that there is a section that dreads the month of March even more than the student community does – the employees in Corporate. If you happen to be in Corporate and your children are giving their annual exams or board exams in March, then the fear is double, no night is complete without one nightmare at least, that is if you are able to get some sleep, but most of us don’t get any during year end!   

Twelve years of school and six years of college would mean hundreds of tests and exams given, but still nothing compares to the litmus test that is Financial Year Ends in Corporate. It has been eight years and it still remains a mystery to me, it is a new experience every year, and no matter how prepared I am, it just seems to get the better of me! This year too was no different. The Ides of March hadn’t spared Julius Caeser even, then what chance did common people like us have!  

After having said Adios, Cheerio’s, Good bye to the previous financial year - FY 2019, a year that took a toll on my professional and personal life (not that previous financial years didn’t, but this one was by far the most taxing of them all) I thought I will finally be able to let out a sigh of relief on the first of this month. But then life doesn’t give us Corporate professionals a chance to sit back and relax, on any day of the year, I guess. It was business as usual even on the first of this month, the only difference was that the Financial Year we were referring to had changed, all else was same, the flurry of emails, the never-ending calls, thankless bosses, unrealistic targets, it was like being back to square one! 

It has been a fortnight since the last financial year came to an end, but the happenings from the last couple of weeks leading to the year end, perhaps the toughest couple of weeks of my professional life, just seems to stay etched in my mind. I thought to myself, I had completed yet another year in Corporate, had faced yet another year ending that took my breath away (literally, it had most of us in office gasping for breath by the end of it!), but here I was, still alive, still breathing, heart beating, at home, surrounded by the people who meant the world to me – my family. The world as I knew it had not come to an end as I had imagined it would  (and as people around me had convinced me into believing) once the financial year came to an end because our targets were not achieved. But, I had multiple reasons to be worried after it did, there were targets that were not achieved, there were parameters in my performance appraisal that were favourite’s for a ‘Golden Duck’, but what worried me more than any of it was that there were many mistakes that I made last year, which if I had an opportunity to go back in time, I would have corrected, there were things that I had done last year which my conscience would never have allowed, but had to be done, because it was the need of the hour, need of the team that I was a part of, and because I lacked the strength to put my foot down and say no, things that I am not proud of as a human being, but which were required of me as a professional, but the bottom line is - I survived, yet another Financial Year Ending, yet another year in the extremely tough and competitive world of Corporate. But am I happy? Am I content? I knew for certain that I had failed in my appraisals, but had I passed in the exams of life?

I always thought that exams were only for students, that once you left school and college, you could forever say goodbye to exams, but I was wrong. I have realized over a period of time, that each day in life is an exam in itself. Each day in life you encounter situations where you must decide between right and wrong, good and bad, easy and difficult. You consider yourself lucky if the exam are based on a known syllabus, something that you are prepared for, but most of the time, the exams of life are all out of syllabus. In college, when you are given a question paper where questions are from out of syllabus, you could easily get away by saying that the questions were not from the prescribed syllabus, hence you couldn’t perform. But in the exams of life, you don’t have a choice, but to face whatever life throws at you, known or unknown, good, bad or ugly situations, all of it, boldly, confidently, and unafraid of failure. If you pass, good, if not, you must analyse what went wrong and pull yourself together and get ready for the next, for the exams just keep coming, and if you spend time brooding over the past failures, you are likely to fail in the next ones as well.  

   

 Back in school, I thought that doing well in the board exams of tenth and twelfth standards were the “be-all and end-all” of life. Hence, I spent most of my school life doing nothing but studying, I didn’t take time out to do things that I was passionate about, I used to tell myself that I had an entire lifetime to do all of that and so I should just stick to studying for the time-being. I never used to hang out with friends, in fact I hardly had any in school, I mean who would want to be stuck with a bookworm like me! And at the end of school, all the years spent mugging up text book after text book, finally paid off, I secured good marks, in both my board exams, but I realized I had paid a huge price for that – I had just let twelve years of my life go without doing things that I would later on regret not having done. What did I gain in that bargain, just a few more marks than my other classmates who found time to make friends, who found time to play, who found time to enjoy their school life along with studying. In my engineering college, I decided that I will not repeat the mistakes from school, I continued to be a bookworm in college also, but I did find time to make new friends, to relax a little bit, to bunk classes once in a while, to go on the college excursion to Goa, to hang out with friends, but at the same time study when it was necessary, which was usually only a few days before the exams! In my M.B.A however, I found time to enjoy my college life even more as I found time for all my passions – writing, singing, playing badminton, basically doing everything that I had missed doing back in school and much more! I had got the best grades in my life in B-School despite having taking time out from studies for all extra-curricular activities. It was in my B-School that I realized that it is not the destination alone that matters in life, the journey towards it is equally important and one must learn to enjoy the journey. I also learnt an important lesson in life during that time, which is something I wished I had learnt early on in life, it was that one must chose the exams that matter in life wisely.

In school and college, we would have given so many exams, but which were the ones that really mattered, the board exams in school, the entrance exams for college, the semester exams in college. The other exams did not matter much, hence, it made no sense on being overjoyed on being the class topper in one’s fifth grade, or in being dejected on failing an exam in your seventh. Even the much revered board exams weren’t the ultimate deciders of our careers as the world around us had convinced us it would be. Yes, they were important to a certain extent, but they certainly did not decide whose career took off and whose didn’t, at least from my personal experience I can vouch for the fact, as many of my classmates who didn’t score well in their board exams are now in much better positions in their career as compared to those who scored really well in those exams. The truth is that there are certain exams that are important in life and we need to focus only on doing well in those, but even if we are not able to do well in them, it is not the end of life. As long as one doesn’t give up and one is willing to work hard, the possibilities in life are endless. And as far as the important exams are concerned, many years down the line, those grades and marks would just be numbers one will hardly remember. Honestly, I have to go back to my old resumes or certificates back home to recollect my marks and grades in school and college. If that is the case with the important exams, then one can imagine how it would be for the exams that didn’t matter. The interesting thing however is that, even though I have trouble remembering my marks in exams during school and college, I remember very clearly each and every instance when I had bunked a class in college, I remember all the movies that I had watched with friends after having bunked class, I remember all those moments from that college excursion, I remember all those celebrations and festivities that we had back in B-School. Though I practically wasted all of my school life, I made up for what I had lost by thoroughly enjoying my college life. In addition to giving me a degree, my college life gave me friends for a lifetime and a treasure trove of beautiful memories.

It’s after this financial year end, that I realized that, it was high time I applied the practice of choosing my exams wisely in my work life also. In addition to the exam that our company gives us in the form of annual appraisals which test us as professionals, life keeps giving us so many exams that test us as human beings. In our efforts to do well as professionals, we often fail as human beings. But what we often don’t realize is that no one remembers a person because of their ratings in appraisals. One is always remembered for one’s honesty, one’s integrity, one’s dedication towards work and one’s good deeds. People remember you by the times you have helped them when they were in need. People remember you for the times when you were their source of support, when you inspired them to do better, when you offered a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. In all the eight years of my Corporate life, even though I had failed several times as a professional, I had never failed in the exams of life, I had never failed as a human being, but last year was an exception. In my pursuit of professional excellence, I forgot that I was a human being first and that is something I am not proud of. I ignored my health, I ignored my family, as I immersed myself in work. My work has enabled me to help make a difference in the lives of many, but of what good was that when I couldn’t help myself or the people near to me. 

In my professional life, I have come across many professionals who have absolutely no regard for their colleagues, who often forget that the person whom they are hurting, insulting, or taking for a ride, is after all a human being. I used to wonder if those colleagues were even human, but that is the thing about Corporate life, it is powerful enough to turn anyone into a robot devoid of any sort of feelings. What made the last year so difficult for me was that I had been at the receiving end of hurts and insults from many such colleagues, insults of such nature that the very thought of it, brings tears to my eyes. Despite having given my heart and soul to my job, there were people who criticised me for not doing my job well. Last year was also the first time in the eight years of my professional life that I had been so selfish and so obsessed with my work that I even refused to help a colleague who was in need. But my biggest failure last year had been when I was asked to do something which in my mind I knew was not right, but I had to do anyway just because I lacked the guts to say no. I was weak and afraid. I thought to myself, Was I any different from those colleagues whom I used to loathe. Was Corporate life slowly turning me also into someone like them? I realized with a lot of pain that I had failed miserably in the exams of life. Of what good was an outstanding rating in appraisal, when you knew you had completely failed as a human being?

I had two options before me as the year ended – I could either sit and sulk about the past or make up my mind to never repeat the mistakes of the past and move ahead, and I chose the latter. Just like the exams back in school and college, failing in one exam in life did not mean the end of life. I was determined that I wouldn’t let failure get the better of me. I was determined that I would not let Corporate life turn me into any kind of robot. I was a human being first and then a professional and I would never forget that. 

On the auspicious occasion of Vishu, which marks the beginning of a new year for Malayalees, I made five resolutions for a better me. I resolved that,

1) I will always stand firm on my beliefs and ideals even if all the odds are stacked up against me

2) I will always strive to be a good human being first and then a good professional

3) I will not let setbacks – personal or professional come in the way of  living life happily

4) I will choose my exams wisely and focus more on the ones that matter

5) I will enjoy this journey of life as the journey is what matters in the end, because if it is destined to be, the destination is never out of reach

Life is a beautiful journey and one of the things that make life so beautiful is that one can always make a brand new start in life, even after one has suffered major setbacks. There is always hope for a better tomorrow. We may not be able to turn back time, but we can make the most of the present and what is left of our life to make things better. The possibilities that life held were immense. Last year had ended on a very bad note for me, but last year is history now. I now have a whole new year to look forward to, to start afresh, to plan ahead, to not repeat the mistakes of the past, to learn, to accomplish what went unaccomplished, and to “March” ahead with confidence to another March next year, as a better professional and as a better human being. And this time around I am determined that I wouldn’t let the “Ides of March” get the better of me!

Here is wishing everyone a very happy Vishu! Here is to new beginnings in life! Here is to success in all the exams of life!