No age too old to live your dream

This blog is inspired by the recently released Malayalam movie "How Old Are You" directed by Rosshan Andrrews and starring actress Manju Warrier in the lead role. For readers who have not yet watched the movie, I'd say, "It's a must-watch".

Recently I happened to watch the malayalam movie "How old are you". The movie tells the story of how Nirupama Rajeev - the protagonist in the story, goes from being a middle-class working woman leading a very ordinary life, to being a change agent in the society. Actress Manju Warrier, who plays Nirupama, has left no stone unturned in making her second innings in movies a sparkling one, by breathing so much life into the character that, from the introduction scene to the end credits to even after you have left the movie hall, the character stays in your mind. 

The story is a very simple one, but the message that it gives is powerful enough to evoke many questions in the viewer's minds, about things that we know and which we have now come to take for granted, but never cared to question. 

I do not mean to generalize, but I feel that most women, have at some point or the other in their lives, sacrificed their dreams or their ambitions for the good of their families. There are many who give up their promising careers to take care of their children, many who give up their dreams for pursuing higher studies to marry that "well-educated, well-settled" guy whom her family has chosen for her, many who leave their favorite places and relocate to new places just to be with their husband. I have often wondered why is it that, most often it is the woman who is expected to give up what is dear to them, who is expected to make all the sacrifices for the sake of the family when men are celebrated as the "head of the family" in most families. They say women are weak, but had they been weak, would they be able to happily give away their dreams for the sake of their dear ones and go on with their lives without complaining? How many men are strong enough to make sacrifices like that?

"Behind every successful man there is a woman" goes the popular adage, and history is rife with stories that support the same. If a woman can offer her support to making someone successful, she can very well do that for herself too. Most often, a woman is so busy scripting the success story of her family members, that she forgets that she too had dreams and aspirations in life. All a woman needs is a word of encouragement, a little consideration for her aspirations. But, when that goes missing, most women choose to give up their faith in their dreams and go on with their lives as it is. However some women, like the protagonist of the movie, decide to make a difference in their lives on their own, by following their dreams. 

As I finished watching the movie, my first instinct was to give a tight hug to my mother who was sitting beside me and tell her how thankful I was to her for all that she had done for me, for our family. I had always taken it for granted that mothers are supposed to do all the household chores, make good food, and take care of of everyone in the family. I felt ashamed and sad that, being a daughter, I had never tried to understand what my mother wanted to do in her life, or what her dreams and ambitions in life were. I am sure that I am not the only one who felt the same way after watching the movie. Thanks to Rosshhan Andrrews, Bobby-Sanjay and the whole team of 'How old are you?' for making this eye-opener of a movie that made us aware of the many "Nirupama Rajeevs" around us, but most importantly, for making us realize that there is no age too old when it comes to living your dreams.



    

What's the best policy?

"What's the best policy?" - Had somebody asked me this question, say some fifteen years back, I would have answered "Honesty" without blinking an eyelid. But that would be way back in the 90's when I was in school. However if I were asked this question today, what would my answer be - would it be the same? Off late, there had been a lot of discussions about appraisals and promotions going on everywhere - in office, in the news, and it got me thinking - Is 'Honesty' still the best policy?

I remember, we had a subject called 'Moral Studies' in our school syllabus. It's during one such 'Moral Studies' class that I first came across this quote on 'Honesty'. The classes were on moral values and every value was explained with the help of a story. That was a time when we hardly knew the importance of what we were being taught, but the stories were powerful enough to drive home the point. Little did we know back then, the world was about to teach us lessons that would contradict with the ones that we were learning.

After years of slogging it out in school and college, and mugging up text book after text book by authors whose names were even more difficult to memorize than the books they wrote, I managed to get an entry into the enticing Corporate world (for some more slogging!). No amount of theory had prepared me for the big bad world that is "Corporate". For the first time I realized that it took much more than good grades in school and college to succeed at workplace. 

From my brief stint in the corporate world, I have learnt some lessons. 

Lesson # 1: Not all colleagues are friends

Ever felt let down by a colleague of yours -  A colleague who steals the credit of an idea that was originally yours and who does not acknowledge it, or someone who asks for a help and does not even say "Thanks" after you have helped them, or gossip-mongers (who are the most vicious of the lot) or that experienced colleague who does not help a new recruit. Not all colleagues are your well-wishers. 

Lesson # 2: Learn how to butter up your boss 

In corporate, most often it is not the deserving person who gets appreciated, but the one who knows how to butter up their bosses (sad, but true). Now this is one art that one needs to master - "How to praise your boss", else there is a very high chance that you might sink into oblivion. 

Lesson # 3: It's all about making the headlines

It is not enough that you do the task that has been assigned to you in the best possible way that you can, you need to shout it out loud from the rooftops and tell the whole world about it! I mean, whatever happened to those good old days when doing your job perfectly was all that mattered! 

Lesson # 4: Never hesitate to say "No"

If you are among those who have difficulty in saying "No" to someone who asks you for a help, then you had it. I have realized over time that unless you learn to say "No", you are never going to enjoy your break or your holiday, you will have powerpoints and excels keeping you company even on holidays.  

Lesson # 5: Honesty 'was' the best policy

And then there are people who make you feel that Honesty has lost its sheen - Employees who sneak out of office early on days when their boss is on leave, employees who do their personal work during office hours, employees who submit false claims (claims that could even put the fake cheques of Frank. W. Abagnale of 'Catch Me If You Can' to shame!), employees for whom work is a mere eyewash for grabbing attention, and then those who put the blame on others to cover up for their bad performance.

Life in corporate has taught me these lessons, but I like to believe that the lessons I learnt in my old 'Moral Studies' classes are still the best. Though some incidents have shaken the foundation laid by those lessons, it has not been able to break it. 

In my corporate stint, I have come across some gem of a personalities too - people who would not give up on their ideals at any cost. "So what" they ask. So what if one does not know how to say "No", So what if one does not know how to flatter their bosses, So what if one does not believe in being dishonest - may be you won't get the promotion that you could have got otherwise, may be you won't be recognized for your work, may be you won't be in the good books of the people who are at the top, but you will have some thing that others who sacrifice honesty for short-term gains will never have - 'peace of mind' and a satisfaction that comes from doing things the right way. 

I have seen dishonest people go places in a short span of time, and I have also seen honest people wait for years to get their due credit despite giving their work their everything. So, if someone asked me today, if I believed that 'Honesty' is the best policy, I would say "Yes", but it will definitely not be an as emphatic "Yes", as it would have been, had I been asked the question some fifteen years back. 

Live and let live

A couple of weeks ago, the first episode in the second season of Amir Khan's TV Show 'Satya Mev Jayate' went on air, and I was among the many viewers who were glued to the T.V screen waiting in anticipation as to what the new season had in store for us. A few minutes into the show and I was getting uncomfortable. I was undecided between reaching for the remote to turn off the T.V and continuing to watch the show. I was struggling to fight back tears as the narrator went on narrating one incident after the other - real life incidents of atrocities against women, atrocities of such heinous nature that it could make one shudder at the very thought of it. As the show ended, I couldnt but help feel angry, disgusted and alarmed at the plight of women in our country.

I guess a women's struggle begins very early on in life, even before she is born, not all mothers are fortunate enough to bring a baby girl into the world, what with the increasing number of gender selective abortions. From childhood you are told that you are a girl and there are a lot of limitations to been a girl. You are taught a list of things that you are supposed to do and also a list of things that you are not supposed to do and the justifications for the same. You refuse to accept them and you are labelled a rebel, and in most cases you are reprimanded. All these Do's and Dont's become so ingrained in the girl's mind that by the time she grows up, she no longer wants to question why is it so. 

If there is one thing that plays the most critical role in changing the girl's outlook towards life, I would say it is 'education'. Nothing empowers a women more than education. It changes the way she thinks, it gives her the conviction to have faith in her strengths, to pursue her ambitions, and to find her rightful place in the world. However her journey is not easy. At every stage in her life, she has to fight to prove to the world what she is worth; she has to battle it out against people who ridicule her, people who try to let her down, people who treat her badly, and people who hurt her with their words and deeds. However every once in a while you do come across people who lend you a helping hand rather than wait for an opportunity to let you down. Despite of all the hardships, she succeeds, no matter how many times you let her down, she gathers herselves and comes back stronger than ever, such is the strength of a woman!

I might be offending many women who are reading this, but I am not of the opinion that men and women are equal in all ways; men do enjoy certain privileges that we women can never dream of, but that does not, in any way, make women inferior to men. Personally, I feel that women, even though they are portrayed to be more emotional and sensitive than their male counterparts, are better at handling emotions. They usually have been through so many emotional struggles that they can better handle emotional situations than men. They also are better task masters than men, as they are used to juggling too many things at a time and hence have mastered that art of managing many tasks with ease. They add more color to your life, they can bring you up when you are feeling down, and they really mean it when they say "I'll take care of you". Care and affection come so naturally to women. I always wonder how could someone ever be rude to a woman. 

As women, we are not asking for respect or any sort of special consideration. The only thing we ask for is a right to live happily, peacefully, and without any fear. Today, when a girl leaves home, she herself is not sure as to what awaits her, what ordeals she has to go through to get through the day, or whether she would be able to make it back home safely. Amidst all the celebrations and hype surrounding The International Women's Week, I was wondering, what is it that today's women is trying to tell the whole world, is it that "Look, I have come a long way" or is it "Take a look at what I have achieved", well it might be, but I guess the strongest message that every woman wishes to send to the whole world today (and I guess since time immemorial) is a very simple one "Live and let live". 

Love is in the Air, and if it is not, it is Despair

“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine”, as Humphrey Bogart delivers one of Hollywood Cinema’s most memorable lines in the classic war-time love story ‘Casablanca’, one cannot but feel sad for the protagonist in the tale who is reunited with his lost love only to part ways again, and more so if one has been in love and lost their loved one. I have often wondered why destiny unites two people who were never meant to be together, gives them false hopes and happiness, and then takes it all away one fine day as they are forced to part ways, leaving them with nothing but memories of a time that they thought would last forever. I guess it is one of the harsh realities of life that one must learn to live with - not every love story has a happy ending.

Blame it on the movies that I have grown up watching and the books that I have read, I had always imagined love to be the way it is always portrayed in movies and written about in books – lovers who would fight against all odds to be together, and who would eventually ride into the sunset hand in hand, lovers who would sacrifice their lives for each other, and lovers who stay true to their love always. Cut to real life and those images of love that I had conjured up in my mind, all seems to fall apart. In today’s fast paced life, even love has taken a back-seat. Break-ups happen no sooner than two people fall in love with each. Many a times, the reason why a relationship fails is so trivial, that you are left wondering, was this love for real, because had it been so it would never have ended this way. “Move On” is what everyone seems to be saying, but is it as easy as it sounds? I have seen people “move on” without any effort, and then I have seen people who find it easier to go on living with the memories of their past than “move on”. We ourselves have complicated our lives. Hatred, animosity, rivalry, and ego have taken precedence over love. I always wonder whatever happened to those good old days, when two people met, fell in love, married each other and lived happily ever after. How I wish life could be that simple.

However not all hope is lost. Every once in a while you come across people whose stories resemble the ones that you have seen in movies, or the ones that you have read about in books, and who make you want to believe that “true love” does exist (and is not an oxymoron). In their stories, we also come across many where were destiny plays villain and separates the two, and that is the sad part.

I believe that Love is one’s greatest strength and Love is one’s greatest weakness. Without love, we just cannot survive. As Mother Teresa had rightly said “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread”. Everyone wants to love and wants to be loved in return, but it is when we expect love in return that we become miserable. True love is when you love someone but do not expect anything in return. If you can love like that, then you will undoubtedly be the happiest person in this world. Hard as it seems, it definitely is worth trying. On that thought, here is wishing everyone a very happy Valentine’s Day! Here is to celebrating true and unconditional love!!

I am signing off this very special blog with one of my all-time favourite quote on love –

“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”

Here is to new beginnings!!

"It was the best of the times, it was the worst of the times", the opening sentence of the Charles Dickens classic 'A Tale of Two Cities' can best summarize the year 2013 for me. With only a few more hours remaining for the year to come to an end, I thought it would be a good idea to indulge in a little retrospection on the year that was.   

The year 2013 has been a very special one for me. It was a year that saw me as a student and as an earning member of the family. It saw me going from being a Graduate to a Post-Graduate. It saw me in three different places, from Coimbatore to Cochin to Thrissur. It was the year that gave me the opportunity to follow two of my greatest passions - music and writing. 

On the personal front, the year was a mixed bag with a lot of highs and an equal number of lows. The best part was my brother's marriage, one of the happiest moments of my life. Then there were not so happy moments too, when people whom you trusted and loved with all your heart abandoned you, leaving you in an abyss of despair. Then there were also instances where total strangers lent a helping hand at times when you had totally lost hope. The year saw many a teary farewell too, friends from college, with whom you had spent two years of your college life were departing and going their ways, colleagues at work were being transferred to different locations. 

On the professional front too, there were reasons to cheer as well as despair; from completing a post-graduate degree with an Eighth Rank in the University, to being stuck in a job that sucks the life blood out of you every single moment of the day, from Monday through Saturday (and occasionally on Sundays too), life on the professional front has been no less than a roller-coaster ride. With irate customers and bosses (goes without saying that they are irate!) breathing down your neck 24/7, and the ever expanding 'To Do' list on my computer, my work-life balance has gone for a toss. To top it all, I am even away from home. 

As I write this blog, all those events in the year that went by start to make sense. There were moments that made me laugh, there were moments that made me cry, there were moments when I felt that God had been very kind to me, and then there were moments that made me question God's ways. Now when I think about them, I realize they all served a purpose in my life. Had it not been for those events, I don't think the year would have been this memorable to me, it would also have gone down as just another year of my life. These events have made me strong, more determined and made me believe in this very powerful word - 'HOPE'. 

Last time, during this time of the year, when I prayed to God to make the year ahead, a very exciting and happening year for all, I had not known that God would make it this exciting for me. This time around, when I make a new year wish, I will have to be more specific in terms of my definition of 'exciting', because you never know how exciting God would make it, he may make it more exciting than you had actually wanted it to be. So here is to letting go of the past, here is to making a brand new start, here is to hoping for a better tomorrow, and here is to new beginnings. Happy New Year! God bless!

Signing off the last blog of the year with one of my favorite quotes: "Past is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, but Today is a Gift, that's why it is called the Present"

   

No free lunch

Disclaimer: This blog is strictly meant for those poor souls who are forced to stay miles away from their home in the rat race of life, and in the process are deprived of, perhaps the best food on earth - Mom's food. 

If you have stayed away from home at some point or the other in your life, I am sure that there would have been times when you missed home badly, wanted to pack all your stuff, leave everything you were doing and just head back home. Remember that time when you had fallen sick, but there was nobody near you to remind you to take medicines on time; or that time when you achieved something great and wanted to share it with your near and dear ones, but they were not by your side; or that time when you were feeling all down and dejected, but no one around to say "Don't worry. Everything will be alright." I have been staying away from home for the past five years, and I have had plenty of such instances!

The time when I miss home very badly is during afternoons at work. I would mostly be engrossed in some work or the other, when my colleagues ask me that inevitable question (which I have now come to dread), "Roshni, Aren't you having your lunch?", to which I reply with a "Yes, but not now, after some time" or "No, I am not hungry". It is usually followed by a "You should have food on time" or "Don't skip lunch. It's not good for health" from them and then they are on their ways to have their food, the lucky ones the food from their home and the not-so-lucky ones  the food from restaurants. A few minutes after, the office looks deserted, the sound of the mouse clicks, the keystrokes on the computer, and the printer is gone. There is an unusual calm in office. I close my eyes, and my mind drifts back to a typical afternoon at home, the amazing smells drifitng from kitchen, and yes Amma calling me to come and have lunch. The images of the hot steaming rice, the Pappadam, the buttermilk, and Amma serving the food come rushing into my mind. Just the thought itself makes my mouth water. I would be lost in my thoughts, when the access card reader beeps. My colleagues are back from lunch and before I know it, the calmness is gone, the madness is back and yes I realize, I have not had my lunch. Mostly I skip my lunch, but at times when I feel like I need a break from the madness at work, I take my bag and head out of office, more in search of a place to clear my head than in search of a place to have food. 

My usual haunts are the vegetarian restaurants in the city. Thank God for these restaurants; had it not been for them, I wonder what people like me would have done. No, I am not of the opinion that the food from restaurants is great or out of the world, but it does come as a solace at times. Be it the Hotel Saravana Bhavan hotels (very popular amongst Chennaiites) in Chennai, or the Pathans hotel in Thrissur, the ones which I consider my favourites, I have found that the food from the restaurants fills my stomach, but not my heart. Each time I pay the bill and walk out of a restaurant, I am reassured of the fact that my mother is the best cook in the world and no food can beat the taste of the food that she prepares, because she adds an ingredient to it that perhaps no one else does - Love.  

'There ain't no such thing as a free lunch' goes the popular quote and economic theory. Everything in life comes at a price. I too have paid a price for putting my career and job before my family - staying miles away from the people who mean the world to you, not being there for them at times when they need you the most, and the worst part of it all - being deprived of the best food in the world; I'd say that is a huge price to pay. 

After many years of staying away from home, I have learnt to live with the fact. I do miss home, especially the food. Every time I call home to tell my parents that I am coming home, my mother knows exactly what my next question would be, "Amma, What is there for dinner tonight?" As I write this, I have reached my home and had my dinner. Now that is what I call bliss - home and Mom's food. How I wish I could stay at home like this forever, but as the famous poem by Robert Frost goes, "But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep".

Mall in the City

If you are a true blue Kochiite, chances are that, you will not return from a visit to the Lulu Mall, without bumping into at least one acquaintance of yours. It has happened to me every time I have been to the mall, not that I am complaining.

I had never really taken a liking towards shopping malls mushrooming in cities, nor had I been a person who used to frequent malls that often. Now when I come to think about it, I feel that may be I had been wrong about the whole “Mall” concept. I do not know whether these malls are good for our GDP, whether the economy benefits from it or not – those are topics better left for B-School aspirants to discuss during their Mock GDs or to people with better brains than me. However I do know one thing, if they have the power to bring people who are busy creating islands for themselves, then God bless the concepts of malls. 

There used to be a time, when the Marine Drive and Subhash Park were the most frequented places of a Kochiite. I used to, and I still love taking those walks alongside the backwaters in Marine Drive. But from the simplicity of the parks and the backwaters, now a new place has found prominence in the favourites list of Kochiites – ‘Lulu International Shopping Mall’. Whoever would have thought that a seemingly deserted piece of land in Edapally, would one day be home to the largest shopping mall in India!

“Want to watch a movie?”, “Want to meet up with friends?”, “Want to binge on great food?”, or “Want to shop for groceries?” – “Head to Lulu Mall” is the answer that you are most likely to get from a Kochiite nowadays for any of these questions. Weekday or weekend, morning or evening, Lulu is always bustling with people. The success of the mall can be attributed to many factors, state-of-the-art infrastructure, excellent management, and an experience that was totally new to Kochiites. There is something about Lulu Mall that attracts old and young alike. Lulu Mall in a way has redefined the image of malls from one that is youth centric to one that caters to the likes of all age groups. Grandparents with their grandsons and granddaughters are a common sight in the mall. I feel that the mall has been successful in attracting even the most reclusive Kochiite towards it.

What I like the most about the mall is the crowd in the mall. I like to believe that somewhere in that crowd, I will be able to find a familiar face; someone who I haven’t talked to or seen in a long while; someone to whom I would have said, “We will be in touch”, but to whom I could not have kept my word; someone near and dear to me, but who had just become a contact in Facebook or WhatsApp. The joy on seeing your long lost friend, or that distant relative of yours, or simply someone who you know, is unparalleled. I have experienced it many times in Lulu Mall. 

Though Lulu Mall can never oust Marine Drive from the top position on my list of favourite places in Cochin, it does give it a tough competition though. Long live Lulu Mall!