Equations for life from ‘The Gita’: The Gates to Hell

A life beyond this life, well, I am not very certain about that, if there awaits us a “heaven” or “hell” after life as we know it. However, I do believe that there is “heaven” and “hell” in this life itself, and of that I am certain. It’s entirely up to us, how we want our life on earth to be – like heaven or like hell.

Trust the Bhagavad Gita to give you answers to how one can avoid the misery of hell in this life and afterwards. According to the Gita there are three gates that lead to hell. And it can be very well summarized by the below equation.

Hell is a union of ‘Lust’, ‘Anger’ and ‘Greed’. If anyone has any one of these qualities, then they can be rest assured of a place in hell after-life. I am not sure about “after-life” part, but I am sure that their life on earth would also be no different to hell, because all three are qualities that ruins one’s peace of mind and are sure to guarantee a hell on earth.

Lust and greed for materialistic things, often leads to huge disappointments, quarrels and losses. History stands testimonial to the fact that lust and greed end in great misery. So many wars were fought in man’s desire for more and so many lives lost and irreparable damages caused. However, even now I find that many have not learnt lessons from the past. Increasing stories of cruelties committed in the name of lust and greed appearing in the news makes me think, why do some people not understand that they are inviting hell into their lives. Those who have lust and greed often lead miserable lives. Even if they manage to get what they lust or greed for, they still would not be happy, for they fear losing it and worse still are never really satisfied with what they get. They are never content. As a result of their never ending desire for more, their world is one filled with chaos and is no different from hell. Whereas if we look at the life lead by someone who is always content with what he/she gets and is not greedy for more, we find that they are always at peace and happy. For such people, this world itself is equivalent to heaven. Lust and greed are two gates which I will never find myself in, as I am very content, a trait which I have inherited from my parents and grandparents, who I find to be the most content people on earth. However it is the third gate that I am trying to avoid, but have not been able to completely avoid – Anger.

Greed and Lust were something that I knew would make life miserable, but there was one thing which I was not aware of which was equally bad for one’s peace of mind – the third gate to “hell”, Anger. Had it not been for the Bhagavad Gita, I would never have known that Anger too is a gate to hell. It always amazes me, when I see some people maintain their calm during arguments, even when they know they are right and others are wrong. How someone can stay unperturbed even in situations that can make a “Hulk” out of the calmest persons, is something which is beyond me. I am someone who has had problems with controlling anger and I guess that is also why ‘Hulk’ happens to be my favourite super hero; I can relate with the “You won’t like me when I am angry” part, indeed. Although the instances when I lose my temper are very rare, when it happens, it often is very bad.

Off-late, I have realised that anger is self-consuming. When one is angry at someone, one often ends up hurting oneself more than the other person. It overpowers ones senses and makes everything a blur, and the results – taking wrong decisions, doing or saying things that permanently damage relationships, and stress! Anger is beyond doubt a contributor to making life miserable. Though I have slowly started making conscious attempts at controlling my anger, I cannot say that I have completely mastered the art of keeping cool. However, nowadays, I handle situations that make me angry much better than I used to earlier and that is an improvement. It won't be long before I completely get rid of the green monster in me, of that I am confident! I have learnt that sometimes in life, it makes sense to let go, to forget and forgive and move on, especially when it comes to choosing how one wants life to be – like heaven or like hell, and I choose the former.

We only live once, and we have the power to make our lives better or worse, by the choices we make. Saying no to things like lust, anger and greed or for that matter anything that takes a toll on one’s peace of mind, can surely guarantee a life that is heaven on earth itself, and if there is a life after death, then there too!

Wander-Lust? Wander-Must !!

Dedicated to all those who love travelling!

“All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go”, the opening lines of the popular song “Leaving on a jet plane” could very well describe the past ten weeks of my life. Well, wait, it could very well describe the past ten years of my life also. Thanks to my “overly” over-protective parents, up to the age of 21, the number of places that I had been to, definitely had not gone beyond a single digit number. The world that I knew of, was limited to the confines of the city of Cochin, not that I was complaining, because I was (and still am!) truly, madly, deeply in love with Cochin. However life changed completely after I graduated from engineering college. 

Taking up that dream I.T job meant moving away from Cochin. So, the time had come, for me to make that move from home, from family, from Cochin, to a city that was completely strange to me. My parents too realized that it was inevitable; it was high time they let their daughter move out of the comfort zone of her home. And so began my journey, at the age of twenty-one. It has been ten years since I began my journey from Cochin, and the journey is still going on. There have been so many significant pit-stops in the journey, so many places that I had been to, with each place leaving an indelible mark on my mind. There were so many people that I met in the journey with whom I shared so many stories – some happy, some sad, but when I look back, I realize that the journey so far has been awesome and I hope that it will be even more awesome, in the years to come!

The last ten years of my life have been, beyond any doubt, the most eventful years of my life and they have also been the years that taught me some of the most important lessons of life, and a large part of that learning was thanks to the various places that I had been to and the different people that I had the chance to meet. For someone who dreaded the very thought of being away from Cochin, life kept taking me one place after another - changing jobs, acquiring a new degree, and then travelling for leisure; travelling had become an essential part of my life. Over the course of the last ten years, I do not know when I went from someone who despised the very thought of travelling to one who couldn’t contain her excitement at the thought of travelling. I guess, it was inevitable, being bit by the “travel-bug”, as “Wanderlust” was always in my genes, thanks to my father who totally loves travelling. It’s just that it took me a long time to realize that I was born with it.



The one who I owe my love for travel to, among many other characteristics - my Father!

School and college had prepared me for what I should expect from life, however it is the experiences outside school and college that taught me how to take on life, how to enjoy life and most importantly, how to appreciate differences! Living in different places taught me the art of adapting to situations. It taught me to appreciate and respect various cultures. For someone like me, with an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, travelling is the one thing that  has helped me be more comfortable with change, to be more accepting of new places and people. I realized that unless we fall in love with the place that we are in, unless we truly care about the people of the place, we can never truly feel at home in a new place. In all my experiences with travelling to new places, I have always made a conscious effort to get to know the place and its people, and it has always served me well.

There has been no journey which did not teach me some lesson in life. Every journey in life, has been an experience to reckon with. Off-late, the frequency of the journeys in my life have gone up. As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, the last ten weeks of my life saw me in a constant “travelling mode”. It all began with a tour of three districts of Tamilnadu – Thanjavur, Tiruvarur and Nagapattinam (which are now my second home), in connection with work. Though I keep travelling across the three districts regularly, this time I had to go to places in the districts that I did not even know existed. It was an experience that made me realize that there is so much to see and explore around us, even in the places that you take for granted that you are familiar with!

Then it was a trip to the “Amazing” country of “Thailand”, for a vacation. It was an experience that completely changed my perception of hospitality. Now I know why Thailand is one of the most tourist-friendly countries in the world. “Land of Smiles”, they call it, and it truly is. I hardly found any angry face, or a face with a frown there, all I could see around me were smiling faces. Those who are in hospitality sector, are required to smile, as their profession demands it. But it is amazing that even the public there exhibits the same behaviour, even though it isn’t expected of them. It’s a lesson that will stay with me for life - “Smile”. Something as simple as a smile, has the power to make even the worst of your enemies soften a little, it has the power to prevent arguments and fights, it has the power to make people like you, almost instantly, and the best part is - it is highly contagious! Smile at someone and they have no other choice but to return the smile, with a smile!

Another important lesson I learnt from my experience in Thailand, is from our tour guide, Mr. Mango (for those of you who are thinking it’s his pet name, no, it’s his real name!). He was a gem of a person, someone in his early fifties, but he is undoubtedly one of the most tech-savvy persons that I have met in my life. I have met many people of his age group who use their age as a reason to avoid learning anything closely related to technology, and here was one person who was even smarter than kids half his age, only because of his constant efforts to keep learning! However, it is not the only thing that I liked about him. Mr. Mango was not very comfortable with speaking English and many tourists in our tour group used to take digs at him for his English. However, he always replied to their rebukes with a warm smile and a “Kop Khun Khrap” (Thai for “Thank you”). It is something we can all practice in life. When someone rebukes you, lets you down, instead of picking up a fight with them, why not just smile and walk away! It could prevent so many unnecessary fights, tensions, and the best part is it will leave the person who insulted you totally puzzled by your reaction and maybe even rethink doing that once again! Well, Thailand was an experience that helped me end the last year on a positive note, what with the blessings of The Buddha, (actually two big Buddhas at the beautiful temples of Wat Pho and Wat Traimit) and also take on the New Year with a warm smile! I also got to strike off one item from my "bucket-list": Parasailing - Check!!

Mr. Mango - our amazing tour-guide & host in Thailand

All set to jump off the edge of a boat!!

Into the New Year, I found myself travelling even more, the first week took me to the holy shrines of Velankanni Matha in Nagapattinam and Poondi Matha in Thanjavur, in connection with work. Couldn’t have asked for a better start to the year! Next it had me travelling to Villiavarambal village of Kumbakonam, where I was able to be a part of one of the Corporate Social Responsibility initiatives of our company, which was an eye-opening experience for me, as I realized that we can do so much for the betterment of people around us, if only we had the time to pause and take a look around. Each and every one of us had the power to transform lives, but somehow in this busy life of ours, we tend to overlook that fact. The experience did make me rethink and I decided that I would do whatever is in my capacity to make a difference, even if it is a small one.



Shri R. Sitharthan, The Executive Director - Tamil Nadu State Office, Indian Oil Corporation Limited and Shri Pradeep Kumar, I.A.S, The District Sub-Collector, Thanjavur at the inauguration of IndianOil's CSR initiative at Villiavarambal village, Kumbakonam

Right after that was, the most eventful experience of the year so far – a road trip from Thanjavur to Chennai and Pondicherry and back, all alone! The trip definitely goes down as a milestone in my driving experience. Though it was an official trip, I had lots of fun on this one! It was one of the most unforgettable driving experiences of mine, both in good and bad ways! Firstly, the good one – the drive from Chennai to Pondicherry along the East Coast Road, the breathtakingly beautiful coastline of Tamil Nadu, it was an experience of a lifetime! Onto the bad ones, well, there were many, like losing my way inside the city (multiple times!), almost driving off to the Tamilnadu-Karnataka border, almost running over a cow, a pedestrian (I would rather go with the term “Zombie” as she was crossing the road absolutely unconcerned about what was going on around her), a motor-cyclist who had a sudden change of mind as to changing lanes and in the hurry couldn’t find the switch to the indicators on his scooter! And yes, how can I not mention this one – being stuck in traffic for what seemed like an eternity. After the trip to Chennai, my faith in God has increased manifold, as has my faith in humanity, hats off to the people of Chennai for staying so sane and so human, despite dealing with a traffic that can drive any sane person insane in an instant. Thanks to the Chennai trip, I have also learnt a very interesting way of dealing with pressures at work, anytime I feel that work is too much pressure, all I have to do is think about the traffic police of Chennai, and my work seems like a walk in the park. Trust me, next time you are frustrated with work, just imagine yourself as a traffic cop in a busy junction, somewhere in Chennai, and be assured your work woes will melt away like ice.

The most recent trip of mine had been a trip to the beautiful hill station of Ooty, again in connection with work. It, unlike other official trips of mine, was not a solo one, it was with a group of colleagues. Travelling with them helped me understand and appreciate them much better than any interaction at office ever had. I also got an opportunity to bond better with my team, during the course of the trip. That is the interesting thing about travelling to new places, it brings a new lease of life into relationships, it helps you look at things from a brand new perspective, and it helps you become a better person.

Indane Distributors of Thanjavur, Thiruvarur and Nagapattinam districts with Shri R. Sitharthan, The Executive Director - Tamil Nadu State Office, Indian Oil Corporation Limited and other management officials at the Annual Indane Distributors Convention 2018 at Ooty

I have come across many people who say that travelling is an extravagance, it’s splurging, it’s an indulgence. Well, some like to look at travelling like that, guess they are the ones who take the “lust” in “Wanderlust” a little too seriously. But for those who love travelling, it is a way of life, it is therapy, it is a way of rejuvenating themselves, of discovering themselves. One doesn’t have to splurge, or take off on long vacations to exotic destinations to enjoy travelling. Sometimes all you need, is a just a long late-night drive in your car – got some good music for company - perfect; loved ones beside you - heaven!! Travelling works like magic on your body and soul, it can make all your worries, all your weariness, disappear in an instant.  Whenever I feel lonely or miss home, or whenever I am tired after a long day at work, I go out for a long drive, and then I don’t feel lonely anymore, I don’t feel tired anymore. I always come back from the long drive, happy and rejuvenated. Those who love driving would know, happiness is just a long drive away! Travelling also helps you, when you are perplexed, when your mind is not clear, when you want to find answers to questions that have been bothering you. Go on a road trip and you can be assured that you will find answers to all those questions. Travelling lets you see things more clearly!

Well, this Valentine’s day, I just want to say “Cheers” to all those who love travelling. May our love affair with travelling stay strong, as always. May life present us with more and more opportunities to sing “All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go”, or even better "Muzafir hoon yaaron". May life take us places that take our breath away, and if life doesn’t present such opportunities, let’s create some ourselves J  And to all those who are yet to fall in love with the spirit of travelling, do not hesitate to pack your bags and head out, next time an opportunity to travel knocks your door, because my friend, it is never too late to realize that wander is no lust, it is a must!

Confessions of a Workaholic

Let me tell you a story about (no prizes for guessing this one, the title is a give-away!) a self-confessed “Workaholic”. So our workaholic stays miles away from her parents, who mean the world to her. It breaks her heart not to be with them often, but she loves her job (or so she thinks, when in fact it’s not love but an obsession). So one long weekend, she decides to go home to be with her family. She was up early that morning for her work and she was working all throughout the day, attending phone calls, answering e-mails, doing inspections, travelling, just like any other day at work, but she still made sure that she reached the railway station an hour in advance to board the train that would take her home. Being the perfectionist that she is, she just could not stand the thought of being late for a train, worse still, missing it. So there she was, checking the display board, though she knew the exact platform on which the train always comes (perfectionists are always in need of reassurance!). She reached the platform for the train. A train was there at the platform to her surprise, as that train should have ideally left by then. Since it wasn’t her train, she just ignored it and found herself a nice bench, kept her luggage aside and sat on the bench absorbing the sights and the sounds of the railway station.

She was going home after a very long time, more than a month had passed since she last went home. What would anyone be feeling at that time – happiness, anticipation, excitement, pretty much all the emotions that one normally associates with going home, right? However our protagonist is different (or outright stupid?). She is lost in thoughts. No, it wasn’t about her parents back home who were eagerly waiting for their daughter to come home. She was lost in thoughts about her day at work – the things that were not in place at work, how she could bring about a difference, what had to be done to make things better, the way she wanted it. She glanced at her watch, there was almost an hour left for her train to arrive. She thought, why not get some work done during this one hour and opened her laptop. As it usually happens with her when she opens her laptop for work, she got drawn into the world of work created by Microsoft Office – MS Outlook and Excel luring her away from the hustle and bustle of the railway station to the world of emails, excels and data. She could see people around her – passengers and tea/coffee vendors, she could hear their noises and the announcements on the railway PAS, but she was neither observing nor listening. All she could think of, was her work. She had turned that bench on the platform into a mini workstation for herself. She remained absorbed in her work, her phone and laptop, when suddenly she got a call on her phone.
 

It was her mother who was on the phone. Suddenly the virtual workplace gave way to a very silent platform, she could see that the train on the platform was gone, the hustle and bustle of passengers and vendors was not there anymore and there were no announcements on the PAS either. She answered the phone, her mother was enquiring if she boarded the train and whether the train was on time. She looked at her watch, it was half an hour past the scheduled departure time of the train. She had totally lost track of time, more than an hour had passed since she had arrived at the station. She answered that the train hadn’t arrived yet and she was still waiting for it. However, she realized that something was not right, she got up from the bench and looked around; the platform was isolated. She told her mother that she would go to the enquiry and find out. She disconnected the call, closed her laptop, put it back in her bag and walked to the enquiry. All the while, she could sense that something was terribly wrong, she hurried past and first looked at the display boards. No, the name of her train was not being displayed. The first shock. She went to the enquiry, asked the officer about the status of her train. He said that it arrived right on time and left the station thirty minutes ago. The second shock, and this one hurt her real bad. She said that it was not possible, as she had been waiting in that platform for more than an hour and the train had not passed by. The officer was also quite baffled, he checked with another officer, who told him that today the train arrived at a different platform and it was announced several times over the PAS that the train was arriving on the other platform. She just could not believe her ears. She had missed the train, even after having reached the station an hour in advance, even after being on the correct platform (at least as per the display board!). Her phone was ringing, it was her mother who was calling, she didn’t know what to tell her, her parents had been waiting for her to come home and it would break their hearts to know that she had missed the train and would not be coming home, all because she couldn’t give work a break even for an hour. Her eyes were welling up and her voice was choking as she answered the call and told her mother that she had missed the train. She could sense the disappointment in her mother’s voice and she just couldn’t bear it. When the call was over, she looked at her phone, her official WhatsApp group was abuzz, new mail notifications kept coming, but none of that made sense to her anymore. For the first time in her life, she realized that maybe she made a great worker at the workplace, but she sure was a failure as a daughter. The tears that she had been holding back for long found their vent, she cried her heart out that day.

 

So, that’s the story of the workaholic who missed a train, because of her dedication to work? No, because she was so obsessed with her work that she could not even take note of what was happening around her. It serves as a good lesson for (a) how not to miss a train and (b) how not drawing boundaries between work and personal life can get one in deep trouble. Well, what do you feel for the protagonist – do you feel sorry for her or do you feel that she was outright stupid, well you can definitely let me know in your comments, because the protagonist happens to be me. Yes, I will probably go down in history as the first person to have missed a train even after having reached the station an hour in advance! It is not something I am proud of and there is a very high chance that I am probably the only one to have accomplished such a feat.  

I have always taken a lot of pride in being a “Daddy’s girl”. He is to me the epitome of hard work, honesty, dedication and utmost sincerity to work. I imbibed almost all his characteristics including his dedication to work. From the time I started working, I remember I had been extremely attached to work, however off-late, I feel like I maybe overdoing it, a little bit (or a lot?). I feel like I maybe crossing that fine line that separates dedication from obsession. The first real shock had been the train incident. It was an incident that made me feel that, while I was doing my duty as an officer, I may have forgotten my duties and responsibilities as a daughter. Even while going home to meet my parents (after a long time), all I could think of was work and not about how I can make the most of my time at home with my parents. The second shock came just a few weeks later. I was in an ATM to withdraw some money, I had entered the PIN and the amount to withdraw and was waiting for the cash to come out of the machine, when my phone rang. It was a call from office. I was talking on the phone while I was inside the ATM, I took the receipt and my card and walked out of the ATM, all the while I was still on the call. I got into my car and disconnected the call and drove off. After driving for a distance, I realized that something was wrong. I stopped the car and checked my wallet. The card was there, the receipt was there, but there was no cash. I had collected the card and the receipt from the ATM, but I had not taken the money. I couldn’t wait for a U-turn, hence I parked my car and ran back to the ATM, but there was no money there. I had lost the money. The second shock! I will probably be the first and the only one to have accomplished this feat too! It took me a while to recover from this second shock, but I took a vow that day, that I will never use my phone while I am in an ATM. Several days passed, before I got the third shock. I wanted to go to the railway station one day and I decided to take an auto. I got into the auto and when the driver asked me where I wanted to go, I said “Trichy Area Office”, which by the way is the name of my office. The driver was shocked, so was I. “Railway station please, I am sorry”, I said and sat there thinking what was happening to me.
 

I have always wondered why some people are the way I am, why is it that some people are attached to work to the point that it becomes an obsession for them, but I have not been able to find any convincing answer to that. Guess, some people are hard-wired like that and they just cannot change it. Such people get lot of accolades at work for their hard-work and dedication, but there are colleagues who just cannot stand the sight of them. It’s no wonder that such people are almost always isolated at work. Most often, they are isolated by their friends and family too, as they are mostly unable to take time out of work for them. They have to deal with isolation outside of work also! They find solace in work and hence immerse themselves even more deeply in work. But it’s only when someday, like me, they miss a train, they will realize, that they are missing out on a lot of things in life.

It took me a missed train to realize that there is more to life than just my job. Yes, my job was an integral part of my life, something that made me proud about myself, something that gave me great joy. But the joy and satisfaction that I got from  my job would all be meaningless if I couldn’t share that joy with the ones who mattered the most in my life, the ones who loved me and cared for me, even when I hardly knew what a job meant. It would be meaningless, if I could not take time out to pursue my other interests in life like writing, travelling and music or I couldn’t take time out to read a book or watch a movie, things that made me happy.  Yes, I loved my job very much, but it could never complete me. My family, my friends, my passions, they were all necessary to complete me. I would be upset, but I would never cry over a bad appraisal, but I did cry over a missed train and at the thought of not been able to be home with my family. A reprimand from my boss would hurt, but not as much as the slightest change of tone in my parent’s voice when they disapprove of something that I did. No amount of appreciation or accolades at work would parallel the “We are proud of you” from my parents. No appraisal or pay hike can beat the happiness that I get when my Mother tells me that I am the best. As an officer, I get to make a difference in the lives of many people of my country on a daily basis and it gives me immense pride and satisfaction, but I get an almost similar satisfaction when what I write makes someone feel better, makes someone smile or makes someone think. I love making power point presentations as much as I love watching movies. Learning something new at work excites me as much as travelling to a place that I have never been to. I knew that I had to draw a line between my work and my personal life, but where do I begin? It was a very difficult task.
 

After much thought, I have now come to terms with the fact that work will always be a part of my life, a priority which will get my undivided attention and devotion when I am at it, but I have also made up my mind that, I will never let work keep me away from the other things that matter to me like my family, my friends and my passions. As they say, “You only live once”. The train of life comes just once, and if you miss it, you miss out on a very beautiful journey. The beauty of the journey is in the people who you share the ride with. The joy of having reached the destination is only when you know that the very people are still with you when you arrive. So here is to all those are working away on their laptops and mobiles, who are too busy running the rat-race of life – Pause, take a break, call up your parents or teachers or that old friend of yours, whom you haven’t spoken to in a while, go watch that new movie starring your favourite actor, renew that old passion that you had back in college, or go backpacking, do all that you want to do “NOW, RIGHT NOW”, before it is too late, before you realize that you’ve missed the train!

P.S: Thanks to Premium Tatkal, I made it home one day after the day I missed the train; off course the long weekend became a short weekend by then, but I still made it up to my parents. In life however, there are no "Pemium Tatkals" that can save us, so, all I want to tell all workaholics out there is, "Don't miss that train!" :-)  

Equations for life from 'The Gita': Misery and Attachment

The Bhagvad Gita and Mathematics make a great combination. Combine the lessons from the book and some simple maths, and you get equations that can change your entire perspective towards life. In the first post of the series - Equations for life from 'The Gita', we looked at the formula for happiness. Here is presenting the second post in the series, which is about the relationship between 'Misery' and 'Attachment'.

 

 

What does everyone dread meeting the most in their pursuit of happiness – sorrow, sadness, misery? The Bhagvad Gita not only gives us lessons on how to lead a happy life, but it also teaches us ways to avoid misery in life. Just as the formula for happiness is simple, the formula for misery is also simple. Well, none of us want to be miserable in life, do we? Then, look no further than the below formula for leading a life without misery.

 

 

If one does a Root Cause Analysis of all things that makes life miserable, one will find that at the root of all that misery and sorrow will be "attachment". When one is attached to things, their absence disturbs them and that in turn leads to frustration and eventually sorrow and misery.

 

In our lives, we often tend to get closely attached to certain things. Let's take an example, work for instance. On the one end of the spectrum, we have self-proclaimed “workaholics” who are obsessed with work, and at the other end of the spectrum we have those who totally detest working, often because they are attached to lethargy or laziness. If we look at the lives of people from both ends of the spectrum, we can find that the lives of both are equally miserable.  Too much attachment to work often wears people out, they miss out on other things in life like following their passion, making time for themselves or their families, in a nutshell, the life of "workaholics" is quite miserable. Those who don’t like working, always complain about having to work, crib often about their work, office, colleagues, bosses, so on and so forth, and derive no happiness in work, the end result - a miserable life! Whereas if you look at those in the middle of the spectrum, those people who neither detest working nor obsess about it, they will mostly be the happiest lot of all. The 'funda' is actually quite simple, wherever there is attachment, there is fear and expectations - fear of losing out on something, and expectations of a reward or benefit, so when we lose that something or when our expectations fail, we just cannot take it.

 

Take anything materialistic, say, food, smoking, alcohol, drugs, money, power, success, pretty much anything under the sun, when one is attached to them, one’s life becomes miserable. It’s just not restricted to materialistic things, too much attachment to habits, people, places – all of it leads to misery. The key is to find a right balance, the right amount of attachment and detachment.

 

The perfect state that one can aspire for, is similar to that of a water drop on a lotus leaf; the drop is very much there, yet it is totally unattached. That’s the best approach to lead life. The less attached we are to things, the less is our misery. Detachment is the key, and anyone who has learnt to master the art of total detachment, is never miserable in life. Well, the sate of complete detachment is something which will take a lot of self-control and practice to master, but it is a state which is worth aspiring for, if one wants to lead a life free of misery. However until we reach that ideal state, it is best to have minimal attachment to things in life – both materialistic and non-materialistic. There is a proverb in Malayalam, which captures this very well – “Adhikamayal Amruthum Visham", which roughly translates to, “In excess quantities even nectar can be poisonous”, in English. Everything is good, provided it is within limits, even attachment too. The lower your attachment, the lower is your misery, and the more your happiness. Sometimes in life, it’s as they say, “Less is more”.

So on this  auspicious occasion of Dussehra, here is wishing everyone a joyful life, completely devoid of misery; let's burn the 'Raavan' of 'Misery' and welcome happiness in our lives, and now you know the formulas that can make it happen!

 

Equations for life from 'The Gita': Happiness

The ‘Bhagvad Gita’, which roughly translates to the “The Song of God” is a Hindu scripture which is a part of the epic ‘Mahabharata’, and is a dialogue between Lord Krishna and Arjuna in the battlefield of Kurukshetra. The conversation is about Arjuna’s dilemma as to whether to fight the battle of righteousness or to give up, as fighting would mean hurting his own kith and kin even though they had done Arjuna and his family wrong, and how Lord Krishna helps Arjuna overcome the dilemma, by teaching him about ‘Karma’ and other great truths of life. Though it is a Hindu scripture, The Bhagvad Gita has a very universal appeal. Its situations, its lessons, they apply to anyone, anywhere in the world, to people from all walks of life. The lessons from Bhagvad Gita are not just for life, they can even be applied to Management and Business as well, which is why many great leaders often vouch that they use the lessons from Bhagvad Gita in their professional life to do better at work, to lead, and to motivate their teams.  

 

It is a book that I always go to when I need clarity in life. Recently, it occurred to me, The Bhagvad Gita and Mathematics make a great combination. Firstly, the book is full of solutions; for all problems in life. Secondly, if you apply a little maths to the lessons from it, you can get equations that can change your entire perspective towards life. It was my inspiration to start this series on “Equations for life from ‘The Gita’”.

Here is presenting the very first equation in the series.

It’s strange that a formula for Happiness could be this simple. All of us are in some way or the other searching for happiness, but very few actually find happiness, why? The answer lies in the equation. We often have huge expectations from people and situations in life, but when things do not turn out as we expect, we tend to get disappointed. People with too many expectations are almost always unhappy about life, whereas, someone who has very less expectations, is almost always happy.

From the equation for happiness, it is very clear that happiness and expectations are inversely proportional to each other. The less you expect from life, the happier you are. Hence, the key to bliss or infinite happiness is having nil expectations as Zero Expectations = Infinite Happiness! Well, having no expectations at all is a very ideal situation to wish for. In the fast paced lives that we lead, in this highly competitive world that we live in, it is quite difficult to reach this state of "Zero Expectations".

Almost everything we do in life, we do expecting something in return, isn't it? If you are working, you work hard at office, expecting a good rating in appraisals or a good pay hike. If you are a student, you study hard, expecting good grades, maybe even a rank. But what happens when things do not work out as planned. What if despite your efforts, you do not get a good rating, or you do not get good grades, would you not be disappointed? The answer is a big emphatic "Yes". Think about a scenario in which you work hard, but you do so without any expectations of a result. In that scenario would you be disappointed, if you did not get a good result, definitely not. You were not expecting anything in the first place, so there is no room for disappointment. If the result is good, you will be pleasantly surprised, if not, you will be happy that you tried your best, but this is how the result turned out to be, you accept it and continue to do your work without any regrets. I know, it does sound too good to be true, but trust me, I can vouch from my personal experience that this approach works wonders in life. When one does something without expecting anything in return, one is always happy. I agree, it is difficult to adopt this ideology overnight, but slowly, consciously if we start doing small things in this way, one day we can reach a stage where we do things without any expectations at all, and find a way to be truly happy. Start by doing something very simple, like helping someone who you know can never return your favour and Oh, that feeling, what can I say, it is bliss!

In one’s pursuit of happiness, all that matters ultimately is if one finds happiness or not. If sacrificing something as unnecessary as expectations can get one there, then I think it is worth the sacrifice, after all what good has ever come of expectations, nothing! Expectations can only give rise to frustration and unhappiness. So the choice is in one's hand - happiness or expectations. The formula is very simple, all you need to do is decide, what do you want to let go of, so choose wisely!
 

p(F)un Intended: "Game of Roads: The Lord of 'Bright' Lights"

Letters: A letter to all my young sisters

Recently, I celebrated my mother's sixtieth birthday. I didn't leave any stone unturned to make the day special for her, got her a beautiful cream and red  (my mother's favourite colour combination) coloured Kanchipuram Silk Saree,  (which by the way I had zeroed in on, after hours of looking at practically every available saree in the 'Nalli' silks store at Chennai, and much to the relief of the salesperson at the store who wished she never had to attend to a customer like me, anytime in the near future!), took her to the temple, went out for dinner, ordered all her favourites, basically did all the things that make her happy. However, I still felt that something was amiss. I got thinking, everything that I had done would have made her happy, but I knew that her true happiness was not in any of these materialistic things. What could I do to make her really happy? She loves it, when I write, because she knows that writing makes me extremely happy. So, on her birthday, I decided that I will take writing a little more seriously, devote more time to it, than I usually used to (it is hard balancing a physically and mentally demanding job and one's passion, but I realized that it was not impossible!). That's when this idea struck me. Of starting a series of blogs on "Letters". I have always believed that, words that are straight from one's heart always touch another's, and what better way to express one's feelings and thoughts than a 'letter'. So here is presenting the very first blog post in the series, one that I dedicate to my mother, as she has been the inspiration behind this one.

 

A Letter to all my young sisters:  

 

My dear young sisters,

 

Let me begin by telling you that you are special. Though, there will be many who will try to tell you otherwise, believe me when I say that. You may not realize it straightaway, but as you grow up, you will understand why. You may not have it as easy as your brothers, but you will still overcome all odds and make it on your own, but for that you must believe that you are special. 

 

 

You may grow up listening to, or reading fairy tales, stories of princesses waiting for their "Prince Charming"s, or damsels in distress waiting to be rescued by some "Knight in Shining Armour". But these are tales, these are stories that are a figment of someone's imagination, they are not real, hence don't let these stories make you believe that every girl is a "Damsel in Distress" and needs a "Prince Charming" or a "Knight in Shining Armour" to save her or rescue her. Do not let these stories make you believe that the very purpose of your life is to have an ending that says, "The prince and the princess lived happily ever after". There is more to life than that. Know that you are not weak or inferior. Know that you do not need any "Prince" to help you, when you have it in you to be your own "Prince" and your own "Knight". You only have to believe. Leave fairy tales for bedtime, but for all other times, read stories of real woman who have made their mark in the world, on their own; let their stories be your guiding light, and let them be your 'Sheroes'.

To be your own "Hero", you will have to make yourself strong and independent. For that you must learn, as much as you can, by that I do not mean just earning many degrees. Yes, earning degrees is very important, but equally important is reading as much as you can and travelling as much as you can, it will eventually help you develop a broad outlook towards life. You must  also learn to find a means to take care of yourselves and your loved ones too, financially. You must learn to be your own financial and emotional anchor. Someday, you will start your own family, who will look up to you when they need you, someday you will have to be their anchors too.

There will come several times in your life, when others will try to let you down, when they will make remarks that hurt you, that demean you, there may be moments that bring you to tears, but let not their remarks or your tears, slow you or stop you, you were born to fly, and fly you will, above them all. There will be times when you feel that the world around you is not safe for you, but do not let that define your boundaries, do not let fear confine you, go the distance, make your mark in the world, be brave.

There will be people who will force you into believing that a woman has to get married to survive in this world. Do not let them misguide you. Get married, only when you want to, not because you have to. Get married, only when you find the person who is worthy of your time, who is worthy of spending a lifetime with. Remember that, the one who you marry will be the first man in your daughter's life. He will be your daughter's 'Hero', the concept of how an ideal man should be. Do not let her down. 

A very large part of what I am today, is because of two people, who are the wind beneath my wings, my father and my mother. My father, is my superhero, my first love, my role model for all good virtues in a human being. He is the one who gave me the freedom to follow my dreams, who always motivated me to be honest, sincere and hardworking, and to be fearless and independent. My mother is an inspiration to me as to how an ideal woman should be - independent, bold,  and strong, but at the same time, affectionate, empathetic and kind. After my parents, the ones who have had the greatest influence on me are my teachers. From school to engineering college to B-School, teachers have played an important role in making me what I am today. If at home, my parents were my guiding light, outside home, my teachers were my guiding light. Had it not been for their guidance, support and inspiration, I would not have become half the person that I am today. 

Remember, my dear little sisters, in your life too you will come across people who will be your guiding light, who will show you the right way, it can be your parents, your teachers, your elders. Remember to hold them close and never let them down. Just like they showed you the way when it was dark, be with them when they need you, do not let go. The best gift you can give them, sometimes could be your mere presence. 

Someday, many years later, when you are old, and you are at home, relaxing on a chair, perhaps watching your grand children play, and you look back at life, you will realize that your journey had been tough, but you still made it, despite all odds, and that you don't have the slightest hatred for those who tried to pull you down or who made the journey tough for you, but you only have love for  them and all those who are around you; on that day my dear little ones, you will realize, that you are truly special, because no one can love, forgive and care like a woman. Being a woman is special, you may not realize it now, but someday you will, and trust me, it is a beautiful feeling. 

Love, 
R.J